working the bar.

[addy]

There's some great images and mood-setting going on here. At points it gets a bit muddles and overdone for me, but that's more of a taste thing

A double helix of smoke spiralled why 'double helix' and not a helix though?
up from behind well manicured fingers comma here?
their pink shock of varnish, no comma contrasted
the black shine of Gothic lip gloss.
Dim lights and cotton trousers couldn't hide
a stiffening from her heterochromic not a fan of this word personally, but how about "heterochrome" to cut down on the mouthful? gaze.
She fixated on it, dripping me a smile.

For most of the night we chair danced
not chancing a corporeal touch comma here we posed
and postured. prettifying the night owls
casual in all sense of the word not sure "in all sense of the word" adds too much , plying
transmogrified interesting word choice , actually quite fitting coke heads working the floor.
Saturday night delighters on the run
from two point three screamers locked up at home.

I waited for the ball hefting gangsters, period or semicolon?
pretty soon they'd all scratched a passage
through the crowd to stand there iconically;
expecting gifts of flesh and gratitude
She diffused them with a wave of hand
At the evenings end she called me over Seems like an abrupt jump to the conclusion, but that's just me
"Give yer dad a lift to lock up" she said.

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