09-29-2012, 08:38 AM
Nice to have you posting 
.
Quite a wistful poem... trying to make peace and make sense of death. Agree with billy's suggestion about breaking up the stanzas. I think once you see it in that format you'll be able to more clearly reassess each segment of the poem, and see where you can trim down the more repetitive ideas. Also watch some of your spelling ("their" instead of there").
A nice effort
.Quite a wistful poem... trying to make peace and make sense of death. Agree with billy's suggestion about breaking up the stanzas. I think once you see it in that format you'll be able to more clearly reassess each segment of the poem, and see where you can trim down the more repetitive ideas. Also watch some of your spelling ("their" instead of there").
A nice effort
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?