I've Always Wanted a Pig Farm:

[Philatone]

ey billy!
my thoughts for you

Ever been on a cross...maybe radical, but i think you could delete this line, title the piece "Cross country walk", and open with "with pig shite". the poem doesn't really start until the next line
country walk with pig shite
slapping you round
like an old punchy boxer
you lift a farm gate...not sure why, but this is one of my favorite lines of the piece. it gives action in a piece of description
instantly you're carried
two miles over meadows
wild flowers and rape
seeded carpets irrigated
by shallow rills criss-crossing
open veins bleeding out
a not unpleasant stench...whereas this is one of my least favorite; it breaks from the style of the piece
flies from a sloppy sty
perfume of pig pleasantly pastes
its Eau de toilette on the sinus
a slight heady spell signals
the onslaught of choke
gag reflex kicks in
as throat expands
expelling mushy bits of carrot
peas and cabbage you had for dinner
the countryside
the porkers arse
what a grand experience....another idea: "the grand experience" to give you some parallel structure

i like this...it bogs you in the very details that consume the speaker