And you are? :

[billy]

too busy looking for me penis

---

Lines about shriveled penises aside , that first stanza has got to be one of the strongest I've read... could've been lifted from any classic piece, that's how good it is. It provides a good core for the rest of the poem to weave itself through, a faint echo remaining even as phrases get much more lighthearted. No issues with the form either, so I think you've got a winner here

i'm pretty much blown away with your feedback addy, thanks, it's rare that i don't have to do big rewrites xx