09-04-2012, 05:24 PM
Lines about shriveled penises aside 
, that first stanza has got to be one of the strongest I've read... could've been lifted from any classic piece, that's how good it is. It provides a good core for the rest of the poem to weave itself through, a faint echo remaining even as phrases get much more lighthearted. No issues with the form either, so I think you've got a winner here
, that first stanza has got to be one of the strongest I've read... could've been lifted from any classic piece, that's how good it is. It provides a good core for the rest of the poem to weave itself through, a faint echo remaining even as phrases get much more lighthearted. No issues with the form either, so I think you've got a winner here
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?