Where Do You Stand?

[billy]

hey billy

bit of a message here, so i don't feel right making comments on the poem. however, some suggestions did not escape me

Racism:
Some of us are more
than some of the others are....don't think you need the "are". if you could find a way to parallel the structure of the first line ("some of ______" to match the "some of us") it would reinforce the structure/ pattern
Some of you are worse than the others....again, I think you could cut "than the others"
If it comes to who's the best
just ask yourself this;...here, i think you could either chop the "this" or the line entirely. it would make the ending more dramatic
Are you white?

sorry for so much trimming, but i really think it could bring out something strong

thanks geoff, some good suggestions which i'll use.

---

Racism:
Some of us are more
than some of the others are.
Some of you are worse than the others.
If it comes to who's the best
just ask yourself this;
Are you white?

Or are you Wong?


My end is better than your end
Best and back (no not black...BACK)
tectak

fuck orf