08-16-2012, 12:50 PM
Sure, it's funny and flippant (those are often signs of intelligence in my book) but it doesn't mean that it can't be tightened a bit to make some concessions to logic and language. I do like it much. The title is appropriate. I was about to leave the page when I saw the second line begin with your soul. Thankfully it didn't go that way. As long as it shows thoughtfulness, I prefer a witty poem to a dry any day. That said, just a couple of edits. Moving a line to place the modified more directly in the path of the modifier. Also the ending I strongly suggest to change "your face" to "you." "Your face" is more a playground insult, whereas to call someone a "cunt" is to literally objectify them... to make them a noun. It puts some teeth into the ending rather than deflecting the blow.
I have hurt feelings.
My soul
Which may also be hurt.
Has feelings about my feelings
That may or may not
Have been hurt.
I wonder about this, at tedious length.
Darkness and despair.
Something about the moon, pain. Hell, probably.
Certainly something about the shortcomings of another.
Possibly something about my own.
Let's end some lines with words ending in -ion.
Let's add some profanity, so you know I'm serious.
(My soul is serious.)
More adjectives, because I am no simple noun.
Unlike you
You cunt.
I have hurt feelings.
My soul
Which may also be hurt.
Has feelings about my feelings
That may or may not
Have been hurt.
I wonder about this, at tedious length.
Darkness and despair.
Something about the moon, pain. Hell, probably.
Certainly something about the shortcomings of another.
Possibly something about my own.
Let's end some lines with words ending in -ion.
Let's add some profanity, so you know I'm serious.
(My soul is serious.)
More adjectives, because I am no simple noun.
Unlike you
You cunt.

