Gravity

[tectak]

Attraction is
a provability"provability" is a chacteristic which cannot relate to a another characteristic by the use of a pronoun. You could just get away with "Attraction is a proven (or a given)" but even this is mangled english used to make a simple point of physics. Attraction has been proven.
the tether Now we are in forbidden territory here. It is a mine-field. The 3Gee's which must never be discussed in the presence of academics. God, Ghosts and GRAVITY. We shall see.
the strange force at a distance...and as a physics nerd like you, I know a cliche when I see one. This is one. It may be two if you start bringing in strange attractors
that holds all together Yes, of course. A principle. Clear but oft' stated. This begs the question "...and your point is?". You could make much more of this as you are in Allegory Alley right now.....but I fear the gobbledygook cometh
as it falls disparate What, what and what again?Disparate? Tangents? And what is this "it" that ties like string ( theory? Don't go there) then falls "at a tangent" (surely?) to the earth, moon and sun. I do not think so. Unless I missed out on something vital, gravity acts perpendicular the the surface of a homegenous sphere, and appears to center its attractive pull on the aptly named "Centre of Gravity". Tell me I am wrong.
and tangent
to the ground
to the moon
to the sun.
 
Strangely attracted children OK Enough of the physics already. This stanza has really got something. I am not sure that you can safely mix Chaos theory with what we may like to believe is reality but for the sake of poetic licence...yes....I like what you are doing here. Furthermore, for the one line alone, space is curved by desire, I hereby award you the "Tectak Medal for the Best Unprovable New Theory". Only you and I have this award. I got mine for " Vanilla Ice-cream is the galaxy's favourite" but I like your theory better.
hear and infer
the ice cream truck
by its song and its route
because space is curved
by desire. A good stanza. I would like you to make this rhyme but that just me with spare time
 
We sit at the edge
of a tree line
within the faint arc of porch light
watching cold blacknight warped
into warm galactic flows.
Though we each began as separate stars
our paths at last approached and circled
as they have since countless times
and yet they never wed. Started well in fantasy then lost itself in reality. The last line is particularly superflous as you were talking about we and our, then suddenly a potential bride and groom appeared from nowhere and THEY never wed. Who they?
 
I have known you
since you were lightning and I the air you parted,
since we were water and the wind drew us in,
since you were sunlight and I sealed in amber,
you were jasmine and I the fallen dew.
We teased, we courted, we played unhurried.
We seeped among the leaves.
We rose to our adjacent clouds.
We lay in wait in the abyssal hills.  
We died and bloomed and crystallized
but were always released anew from the fire. You have lost it by verbosity. Cut to the chase or make this two poems. I have no idea where you are going with this now. If I was a little unsure with the gravity thing, attractors, chaos, gluons, bosons, fermions ....oh..no...you didn't go that far......I am now totally confused by the metaphysical elephant in the room, wildly distributing cliches and generally dumping on everything you wrote previously. If you get this back to physics I will spot the quantum leap.
 
I cannot watch you pass again this time
cannot release you back to the flow that washed us
finally here
cannot stay silent, cannot stop shaking, cannot find words or thoughts for anyone but you and yet you make it clear
I cannot have you.
You have no memory of this passionate force
that binds me
close but never reaching.
My petitions carry no such weight
in your center
trapped here by the burden
of my own gravity. HERE, right HERE! We are back to good old solid, reliable, but misunderstood GRAVITY! But it doesn't work for me
 
Though worlds may pass
and new be built ten thousand times
before we get this chance again
each alive with voice and passion,
still you and I will rise from here
and as I’ve always known
you’ll return to that perpetual path Too late with the once-more-into-the-breach stuff. I can hear the ice-cream van and am off for a vanilla. Naw...I feel like a pistachio nut. That's another theory buggered, then.
 
out
away from my side.Oh. Are you still here?


Some good stuff, some bad. The difficulty is, I think.
....and so should you. Try to tie this together by re-establishing the core issues. This feels as if you wrote half of it with confidence on Monday, went away for a week hang-gliding...then wrote the second half. Something changed in you between the two writes. I suspect you had a fright with a thermal which made you circumspect...and it shows.
I meant it about that geat line "space is curved by desire". THAT IS EXCELLENT. I wish I was a plagiarist.
Best,
tectak



I've never been satisfied with the fourth stanza of this and meant to rework it. Would like some input, but get the feeling that where it should be strongest it is the weakest.