Dark Satanic Hills

[billy]

Hi strummer.

A reaction to a walk up Grindsbrook Clough in the Peak District, Derbyshire, maybe have it as a footer if at all, so the reader can feel of the poem before being told what to expect.
I have no idea if this works or is just doggerel: any help appreciated.

Dark Satanic Hills


Up above the grinning Clough,

Sky and land sit hand in hand. 1st 2 lines are a good opening with strong imagery to entice us in. i really like the grinning clough image which denotes more than just it's features.

Like shy lovers awaiting fate’s command, not sure fate's command works as it implies the fate of the rock and sky

Smiling as slippery walkers pay their final demand.


Side by side, stone dead, but alive with might, cliche

Grit stone Goliaths glower and growl through day and night: nice consonance with the g sounds

Akeldama could not have less invite. good reference that explains through similarity.


The squall scoured cheeks of the blackened moor again good use of consonance

Scowl and howl in infinite inquisition;

What Promethium fortune is this to be wind whipped forever more?



In the graveyard sculpted by Henry Moore,

Low among the abstract sullen sacks,

Lie solemn sepulchres silently awaiting future’s past.


Above the deep veined valley’s ominous steep,

Perilous stacks sit stooped in foreboding like bears in a pit.

As clouds threatened and the sky folds black,

The lightning daggered in glinting attack,

Then thunder summoned its voice with a mordant crack

And in an instant, all time rolled back.


If there was a purpose for this deep scourged earth,

It was only to be, the perfect promontory from which to see,

The end of days as this brute land is engulfed by sea.

lots of good things you had going on. the poem was a great image of the Pennines, the title worked well in portraying how sinister they can be. and some of the images were used to the fullest in setting their landscape. certainly not doggerel.

the main problem it had was the meter, in places it held up the reader or made them hurry to fast. leanne as some information about meter here
other than the meter problem it's a pretty solid read.
thanks for sharing it