A reaction to a walk up Grindsbrook Clough in the Peak District, Derbyshire,
I have no idea if this works or is just doggerel: any help appreciated.

Dark Satanic Hills


Up above the grinning Clough,

Sky and land sit hand in hand.

Like shy lovers awaiting fate’s command,

Smiling as slippery walkers pay their final demand.


Side by side, stone dead, but alive with might,

Grit stone Goliaths glower and growl through day and night:

Akeldama could not have less invite.


The squall scoured cheeks of the blackened moor

Scowl and howl in infinite inquisition;

What Promethium fortune is this to be wind whipped forever more?



In the graveyard sculpted by Henry Moore,

Low among the abstract sullen sacks,

Lie solemn sepulchres silently awaiting future’s past.


Above the deep veined valley’s ominous steep,

Perilous stacks sit stooped in foreboding like bears in a pit.

As clouds threatened and the sky folds black,

The lightning daggered in glinting attack,

Then thunder summoned its voice with a mordant crack

And in an instant, all time rolled back.


If there was a purpose for this deep scourged earth,

It was only to be, the perfect promontory from which to see,

The end of days as this brute land is engulfed by sea.

(07-31-2012, 08:23 PM)strummerman Wrote:  Dark Satanic Hills


Up above the grinning Clough,
Sky and land sit hand in hand. -- nice imagery
Like shy lovers awaiting fate’s command,
Smiling as slippery walkers pay their final demand. -- rhymes always work better with some regard to meter, to make sure they fall in the right place without the reader needing to force the lines.

Side by side, stone dead, but alive with might, -- "stone dead" is extremely cliched
Grit stone Goliaths glower and growl through day and night:
Akeldama could not have less invite.
The squall scoured cheeks of the blackened moor -- nice use of the double meaning for "moor"

Scowl and howl in infinite inquisition;
What Promethium fortune is this to be wind whipped forevermore? -- do you mean Promethean?
In the graveyard sculpted by Henry Moore,
Low among the abstract sullen sacks,
Lie solemn sepulchres silently awaiting future’s past.
Above the deep veined valley’s ominous steep,
Perilous stacks sit stooped in foreboding like bears in a pit.
As clouds threatened and the sky folds black,
The lightning daggered in glinting attack,
Then thunder summoned its voice with a mordant crack -- good personification
And in an instant, all time rolled back.

If there was a purpose for this deep scourged earth,
It was only to be, the perfect promontory from which to see,
The end of days as this brute land is engulfed by sea.

Welcome, strummerman, and thanks for posting

You don't have doggerel, you have a piece of verse that holds some good description -- but to capture the mood properly, this could do with some work. When reading a poem that uses rhyme as much as this, the lack of a solid meter (it doesn't have to be regular, just present) is distracting and makes it difficult to enjoy the aesthetics of the poem properly. Also, from the title I was really expecting more of a nod to Blake, but there's not a lamb of God to be seen!

This is only the mild critique section so I haven't included too much detail -- if you do want some more, please just ask.

Hi strummer.

(07-31-2012, 08:23 PM)strummerman Wrote:  A reaction to a walk up Grindsbrook Clough in the Peak District, Derbyshire, maybe have it as a footer if at all, so the reader can feel of the poem before being told what to expect.
I have no idea if this works or is just doggerel: any help appreciated.

Dark Satanic Hills


Up above the grinning Clough,

Sky and land sit hand in hand. 1st 2 lines are a good opening with strong imagery to entice us in. i really like the grinning clough image which denotes more than just it's features.

Like shy lovers awaiting fate’s command, not sure fate's command works as it implies the fate of the rock and sky

Smiling as slippery walkers pay their final demand.


Side by side, stone dead, but alive with might, cliche

Grit stone Goliaths glower and growl through day and night: nice consonance with the g sounds

Akeldama could not have less invite. good reference that explains through similarity.


The squall scoured cheeks of the blackened moor again good use of consonance

Scowl and howl in infinite inquisition;

What Promethium fortune is this to be wind whipped forever more?



In the graveyard sculpted by Henry Moore,

Low among the abstract sullen sacks,

Lie solemn sepulchres silently awaiting future’s past.


Above the deep veined valley’s ominous steep,

Perilous stacks sit stooped in foreboding like bears in a pit.

As clouds threatened and the sky folds black,

The lightning daggered in glinting attack,

Then thunder summoned its voice with a mordant crack

And in an instant, all time rolled back.


If there was a purpose for this deep scourged earth,

It was only to be, the perfect promontory from which to see,

The end of days as this brute land is engulfed by sea.

lots of good things you had going on. the poem was a great image of the Pennines, the title worked well in portraying how sinister they can be. and some of the images were used to the fullest in setting their landscape. certainly not doggerel.

the main problem it had was the meter, in places it held up the reader or made them hurry to fast. leanne as some information about meter here
other than the meter problem it's a pretty solid read.
thanks for sharing it

Thank you both so much for your invaluable guidance - I have not really written verse before, mainly prose, so the meter is the mystery. I will now read the linked article, which is very concise and perhaps try to rewrite. I deliberately used the cliche 'stone dead' as the huge stones have people climbing all over them and having their picture taken on them - due to the size of them, thus giving the impression they are alive from afar. Is it not done to deliberately use a cliche if you invert its meaning or does it just not work? Please feel free to add to and be as critical as you wish - it really is exceptionally helpful - I just don't seem to be able to get any self-critical perspective on verse it is just so much harder to judge than prose - thanks again, very best wishes SM

Thanks for having such a good attitude toward editing

I'm on a flying visit now, but I'll address the cliche thing -- yes, you can use them for effect, but it generally ought to be clear that's what you're doing. In this case, the meaning is not really inverted, more taken back to the origins of the phrase. There are ways to get around this. Punctuation is a wonderful thing to play with in poetry, for example if you had (and it might be tricky in this exact case, but just for the sake of my rambling, bear with me!):

stone: dead

The addition of the colon (or a full stop would have a similar effect) draws attention to the fact that you're fully aware of the phrase and it hasn't just slipped out in automatic writing. A line break would also work. Even stones, dead. You're still playing on that shared cultural knowledge of the cliche, but it doesn't get skipped over by the reader so they're forced to acknowledge the image.

On meter: it doesn't need to be regular and it doesn't need to conform to a set structure, but the most important thing to remember is to count the stresses so that your rhymes fall on a strong stress where they ought to. Again, it's all about not losing any elements of the poem -- remembering that you have a lot less to work with, word-count-wise, in a poem than in prose and every word absolutely has to belong.

(Does "clough" rhyme with "rough" or "toff" in your accent?)

clough rhymes with rough