Dark Satanic Hills

[Leanne]

Dark Satanic Hills


Up above the grinning Clough,
Sky and land sit hand in hand. -- nice imagery
Like shy lovers awaiting fate’s command,
Smiling as slippery walkers pay their final demand. -- rhymes always work better with some regard to meter, to make sure they fall in the right place without the reader needing to force the lines.

Side by side, stone dead, but alive with might, -- "stone dead" is extremely cliched
Grit stone Goliaths glower and growl through day and night:
Akeldama could not have less invite.
The squall scoured cheeks of the blackened moor -- nice use of the double meaning for "moor"

Scowl and howl in infinite inquisition;
What Promethium fortune is this to be wind whipped forevermore? -- do you mean Promethean?
In the graveyard sculpted by Henry Moore,
Low among the abstract sullen sacks,
Lie solemn sepulchres silently awaiting future’s past.
Above the deep veined valley’s ominous steep,
Perilous stacks sit stooped in foreboding like bears in a pit.
As clouds threatened and the sky folds black,
The lightning daggered in glinting attack,
Then thunder summoned its voice with a mordant crack -- good personification
And in an instant, all time rolled back.

If there was a purpose for this deep scourged earth,
It was only to be, the perfect promontory from which to see,
The end of days as this brute land is engulfed by sea.

Welcome, strummerman, and thanks for posting

You don't have doggerel, you have a piece of verse that holds some good description -- but to capture the mood properly, this could do with some work. When reading a poem that uses rhyme as much as this, the lack of a solid meter (it doesn't have to be regular, just present) is distracting and makes it difficult to enjoy the aesthetics of the poem properly. Also, from the title I was really expecting more of a nod to Blake, but there's not a lamb of God to be seen!

This is only the mild critique section so I haven't included too much detail -- if you do want some more, please just ask.