Something Else

[Philatone]

Adrian came.
-turn on the news
he says.

a grocery store burns in our living room.
firefighters pour onto the corner
of Locust and Twenty
years ago.

missing jump-ropes,
the Rottweilers that used to give chase,
the neighbors who moved after coming home
to an emptied house one night,

they step over
brown bottles covering sewer grates
to reach the hydrant.

he says- I hit a baseball
right through that window.

a woman is pointing to the left from her doorway

and there -I say-
your brother lost his tooth on the curb.

the store reappears as the eye
follows vines of smoke
climbing the sky.

-well, I guess we have
something else to forget now

I say nothing,
fallen into a flash of a counter
with a register, a bag of penny candy
dropped into my hand.

seeing a suit behind a desk,
the television falls asleep again,
a curtain pulled like a plug.

somehow, we both know
this is how it starts,
the carving of our block into
just another street in a forest,
until, slowly,
we are left with
a name without a face

and I have to admit we have
something else to forget now.

[billy]

it took me a few reads to get the gist of it.
the way you tell the history of the neighbourhood from the news scene is excellent. from present to past to present, the transition is spot on
i was stumped with "locust and twenty" but that's because i'm a brit i managed to work it out though. i enjoyed the way the poem opened up, before tailing off to a solid end.
a good narrative poem that i can't give any constructive crit too because it works for me as it is. it's so "sofa natural"
thanks for the read.

[Wildcard]

Hi Geoff,
   In the short time I've been exposed to your poetry you have brought a very nice range of work to the table. It is obvious that you have a very prolific pen, sir. This makes me think of my great grandmother, who saw the world from her living room window and FOX 6 News - anything else she was oblivious to. (She actually had an autographed picture of the news team in a frame on the coffee table) Rednecks are weird

Adrian came.
-turn on the news
he says.

a grocery store burns in our living room.
firefighters pour onto the corner
of Locust and Twenty -'Twenty years ago' works so well when enjambed this way.
years ago.

missing jump-ropes,
the Rottweiler’s that used to give chase,
the neighbors who moved after coming home
to an emptied house one night,

they step over
brown bottles covering sewer grates
to reach the hydrant.

he says- I hit a baseball
right through that window.

a woman is pointing to the left from her doorway

and there -I say-
your brother lost his tooth on the curb.

the store reappears as the eye
follows vines of smoke
climbing the sky.

-well, I guess we have
something else to forget now

I say nothing,
fallen into a flash of a counter
with a register, a bag of penny candy
dropped into my hand.

seeing a suit behind a desk,
the television falls asleep again,
a curtain pulled like a plug. --I smile with jealousy every time I read this line

somehow, we both know
this is how it starts,
the carving of our block into
just another street in a forest,
until, slowly,
we are left with
a name without a face

and I have to admit we have
something else to forget now.

I'm sorry I can't be more critical, but I love this. The only thing (and I'm not sure of this) is the use of hyphenation. It seemed a little erratic (sometimes-close, sometimes- early, sometimes -late) Thanks for sharing.

[Leanne]

As I was reading this, I found myself remembering building cubby houses as kids in the bush behind our house -- and then the developers came and bulldozed the lot, so now the house I grew up in is no longer at the edge of town but right in the middle of the suburbs. Somehow it becomes a sanitising of our memories, as if they're redefining us in the generic -- just as your penultimate strophe describes so perfectly.

I think your tone and choice of language are ideal, very matter-of-fact and deceptively detached as if to protect the speaker from melancholy. (You could get rid of the apostrophe in Rottweilers though )

[Patrick Traveler]

I got it all except for "seeing a suit behind a desk,/the television falls asleep again,/a curtain pulled like a plug." It just confused me.

Your description of the neighborhood set a complete scene in my mind and evoked a bit of sadness as I am old enough to have seen this happen to the places I lived. Good write.

[billy]

i'm pretty sure the suit is the news presenter./the news loses the excitement of the fire footage/ metaphor for an ending. (presumably the fire story.) (i think)

[Ca ne fait rien]

Adrian came.
-turn on the news[b]Do you need this intro? As reader I do not have a connection to Adrian, so it loses me straight away.
he says
a grocery store burns in our living room.
firefighters pour onto the corner with this strophe as intro it may help draw the casual reader in straight away, especially wth that enjambment and 'locust' which I don't get, but somehow doesn't matter to engaging this reader.
of Locust and Twenty
years ago.

missing jump-ropes,
the Rottweiler’s that used to give chase,
the neighbors who moved after coming home[b]yes, yes, yes you got me hooked now, because I relate to this, so most people probably do too, if not literally ,at least in a nostalgic retro way. Also I find it metaphoric and layered
to an emptied house one night,

they step over
brown bottles covering sewer grates
to reach the hydrant.

he says- I hit a baseball
right through that window. these strophes devolp that idea s above

a woman is pointing to the left from her doorway- arresting...like the stand alone of it

and there -I say-
your brother lost his tooth on the curb. ouch.

the store reappears as the eye
follows vines of smoke
climbing the sky.

-well, I guess we have
something else to forget now

I say nothing,
fallen into a flash of a counter
with a register, a bag of penny candy
dropped into my hand.

seeing a suit behind a desk,
the television falls asleep again, Good- this, the way t brings us back to the impersonal.
a curtain pulled like a plug.

somehow, we both know
this is how it starts,
the carving of our block into
just another street in a forest,
until, slowly,
we are left with
a name without a face

and I have to admit we have
something else to forget now.

Hi-I like what you did here [/b] although this could probably be tightened up a bit here and there, it got to me because there have been a few fires in the shops along the street where I lived for 25 years, and seeing them on the news is exactly as you show here... the changes in the street translated into the changes in the person, making a subtle metaphor.

[Philatone]

thanks for the comments guys, always appreciated of course. couple of quick notes on cultural references several people brought up. "suits" does refer to news anchors; can alter if it is not clear enough. likewise, Locust refers to a relatively common street name, and the 20 does (loosely) as well--thought the "corner" might bring the street names out more, but I'll see if I can add another reference or two. Leanne- consider the apostrophe lost (not sure how it got there in the first place). thanks for the comments on the tone.

i'm glad you guys were able to relate to this to some degree, like you patrick! mark, will have a look at the hyphenation. appreciate the compliments! i hope to mix things up as best as I can, though I never seem able to break from some images and other things during certain periods. i've heard stranger stories on rednecks thanks for the comments on the transitions, billy. ca ne, i'll take a look at the intro. it was a fear I had about opening that way; may have to sleep on it a bit.

[billy]

i think using locust and twenty is good specially as it's preceded with corner.
it's where you're talking about so it really does work. i enjoy working out stuff as long as it's not too obscure, that wasn't too obscure. it's how yanks describe a street corner isn't (i seen the movies )

[John Holland]

I really like the formatting and line breaks. They allow the words to roll off the tongue nicely. I think the others have commented on much of the content of the poem. So I'll just add that I found it easy to read and understand. I enjoyed it very much.