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You can chew a bloomin' ear
as you chug down luke warm beer,
cos' you're wallets filled with money and you've got it;
but when you talk of writin'
you can spend the fuckin' night in,
cos' of edits till before you're sayin' fuck it.
In the pigpen with the swine
it's the place i serve me time,
by helping out the needy and the newb.
And damn, within that slew
the finest man i knew
was the temperamental leader Billy din.
He was "Din! Din! Din!
You pimpin' hump of snot-crust, Billy din!
Yo! knob-neck get here quick,
feedback, give it, make it slick!
You lazy-fucked up admin Billy Din.
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Hahahahahahahahahahahah, awesome.
Posts: 1,568
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Joined: Jun 2011
(07-01-2011, 03:46 PM)billy Wrote: You can chew a bloomin' ear
as you chug down luke warm beer,
cos' you're wallets filled with money and you've got it;
but when you talk of writin'
you can spend the fuckin' night in,
cos' of edits till before you're sayin' fuck it.
In the pigpen with the swine
it's the place i serve me time,
by helping out the needy and the newb.
And damn, within that slew
the finest man i knew
was the temperamental leader Billy din.
He was "Din! Din! Din!
You pimpin' hump of snot-crust, Billy din!
Yo! knob-neck get here quick,
feedback, give it, make it slick!
You lazy-fucked up admin Billy Din.
It's beautiful, Billy, brings a tear to the eye
You've handled the meter really well so you've obviously been saying it before you commit it to the page, and you've used enough of the original text to make it a great parody (or the beginning of one). BUT... you've kind of screwed the rhyme scheme, which is one of the really important parts of the original. I can handle a near rhyme with
got it/ fuck it, but the two lines I've highlighted really should rhyme to keep the sounds intact.
Damn fine start though.
It could be worse
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i don't think i've ever had a poem of mine been referred to as beautiful.
thanks for the feedback
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That's hilarious
It's practically a personal anthem
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Before I reached the 4th line I had Flogging Molly in my head. Billy, you should set this to music. If you aren't musical, may I? This could, would, and should be a loud Irish drinking song.
JMO
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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But nobody wants to see Flogging Billy
I agree, it's a great rhythm and should be sung when it's done.
I googled, thinking surely Gunga Din has been set to music before... and this is what I found, it's quite decent I thought:
[youtube]YmTdGxb5NzA[/youtube]
It could be worse
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feel free to do with it as you wish
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*SQUEALS* It shall be done...
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
