Incomplete

[jadielue]

You, just
you, only
you
inside
me.

But I,
I am
burning,
burning
with
them,
the others.

In circle
two,
dreaming of
others
inside me,
but you,
only
you
invade
me.

[billy]

i love the way the 1st verse is en jambed
and then ...i as the reader want more.
for me the poem could be condensed into that 1st verse.
i'd like to see something definitive image wise to build on the first verse.
for me the poems simplicity isn't giving enough. jmo
thanks as always for the read jadie.

[addy]

There's something very cinematic about your pieces, Jadie, most especially this one. Not in a bigscreen kind of way, but how I can picture the motions very distinctly in my minds eye (inside, outward circling, burning, circling intersecting collapsing piercing). So even though it was sparse, for me it was very affecting. Beautiful work.

[jadielue]

Thank you, both I short-stopped everything to make it clenched and almost painful to read, like the character.