Long Weekend

[heslopian]

In deepest Kent at a holiday camp
the noise rises as the afternoon dies.
Nauseating party tunes blare through the
demon maws of gargoyles on either side of the stage.
I wonder if the DJ - a plump man in a tiny booth,
wearing a Hawaiian shirt - one time had dreams.
In this dim hall where as the light wanes
my grandfather deals the last round of cards,
I twirl ice cubes around my glass
and eat peanuts more shell than nut.

Tomorrow Nan will take my arm
and lecture on my mother's sins.
A marital seer she'll castigate her son's partners,
false wisdom the sport of her generation.

In a couple of hours I'll drift back to the chalet.
If I can I'll find a takeway - a counter opposite a bar
where burgers and chips are passed through a hatch -
and eat discreetly in my room. Two college students
climb on stage and shake their limbs,
affecting dance with spastic moves.

One, a twentysomething man with beads of sweat
bathing taut skin, turns around, shows his buttocks,
barely contained by denim jeans.
Chewing an ice cube I consider the sole advantage
of these long weekends away.

[billy]

In deepest Kent at a holiday camp
the noise rises as the afternoon dies.
Nauseating party tunes blare through giant speakers. is giant speakers needed
Demon maws like gargoyles on either side of the stage. great image, my fave line
I wonder if the DJ - a plump man in a tiny booth,
wearing a Hawaiian shirt - one time had dreams.
In this dim hall where as the light wanes
my grandfather deals the last round of cards,
I twirl ice cubes around my glass
and eat peanuts more shell than nut. comma after peanut

Tomorrow Nan will take my arm
and lecture on my mother's sins.
A marital seer she'll castigate her son's partners,
false wisdom the sport of her generation.

In a couple of hours I'll drift back to the chalet.
If I can I'll find a takeway - a counter opposite a bar this is full of nostalgia for me
where burgers and chips are passed through a hatch -
and eat discreetly in my room. Two college students
climb on stage and shake their limbs,
affecting dance with spastic moves.

One, a twentysomething man with beads of sweat should it be 'twenty-something-man'
bathing taut skin, turns around, shows his buttocks,
barely contained by denim jeans.
Chewing an ice cube I consider the sole advantage
of these long weekends away.

i found the cynicism to be excellent in the last verse. for me the poem is full of nostalgia it's weird cos i can see the poem from both sides of the coin. as a willing participant in the entertainment and as a dad who's bored with it all. i found the poem to be quite sad really. one of those; 'have to go' chores that gives us just enough incentive to complete.
apart from the one nit in the 1st, i think for me this one's a winner.
thanks for the read.

i'll try and do one or two later myself

[heslopian]

Isn't "giant speakers" needed to clarify what the following simile is referring to? Thanks for the kind words and feedback Billy It took me ages to write this poem and I don't think I'll be able to write again for a little while so I'm really glad you liked it.

[billy]

not if you change 'like' to 'of' or some such.
Demon mawed gargoyles

Nauseating party tunes blare through
Demon mawed gargoyles on either side of the stage.

turning it to something other than a simile

[heslopian]

I like that idea. I'll change it in a mo. Thanks Billy.