Dance of the Gallows

[jadielue]

Serrated spine
Arching toward Jupiter -
Seeking God.




Spires of gold
Callous wrecked souls
Angels weeping, falling.





"Wrung are we in misery-
for the dance of the gallows
has begun."

[addy]

Serrated spine
Arching toward Jupiter -
Seeking God. This is just sublime; perfect, perfect, perfect.



Spires of gold
Callous wrecked souls
Angels weeping, falling. this line is mildly cliche, but mind you this is a very minor nit... it only sticks out in that your other lines are so rich and nuanced




"Wrung are we in misery-
for the dance of the gallows
has begun."

I loved this. Thanks so much for the read jadielue

[jadielue]

I know that that one line is SO terribly cliche but it's what I've had from the start so it stays, like any other flaw.

[billy]

Serrated spine
Arching toward Jupiter -
Seeking God. great 1st verse,




Spires of gold
Callous wrecked souls
Angels weeping, falling. cliché





"Wrung are we in misery- feels archaic in syntax
for the dance of the gallows
has begun." great verse

first off jadie, no need to say you won't change something or that such and such stays, it probably won't change our feedback which is basically our personal opinions, just a thanks or a few words of gratitude is normal etiquette. whether we enjoy the feedback or dislike it .

to the poem;
good imagery throughout the piece, not sure if quotation marks are needed from those who are hanging,

i absolutely love the 1st verse, it's full of life and energy if you'll excuse the pun.
all in all a good read that leaves an impression.
thank you

[jadielue]

No, thank you.

[kath3]

Well done, I enjoyed the read.

[jadielue]

Thanks.