Written Whilst Eating at a College Cafe

[heslopian]

Tall and blond, my Aryan prince,
two legs like beanstalks reaching
the throne of his buttocks.
Leaning over my chilli supper,
American "fries" and garlic bread.
Self-pity, as warm and familiar
as an Agatha Christie novel,
settles on my stomach like indigestion,
that classic pain which all depressives know.
Nobody wants to fuck a fatty,
especially not cute Russian boys.
Anne Sexton, I love ya, but baby
you were wrong. When you wrote that
"No one's alone," you lied. Though
maybe without intention.

[billy]

Tall and blond, my Aryan prince, [this line has some masochism in ]
two legs like beanstalks reaching
the throne of his buttocks. [great two lines]
Leaning over my chilli supper,
American "fries" and garlic bread,
self-pity, as warm and familiar [for me this should be a new sentence]
as an Agatha Christie novel,
settles on my stomach like indigestion,
that classic pain which all depressives know.
Nobody wants to fuck a fatty, [i love this line (funny as hell)as sad as it is]
especially not cute Russian boys.
Anne Sexton, I love ya, but baby
you were wrong. When you wrote that
"No one's alone," you lied. Though
maybe without intention.

lots to like about this jack. it's original, fresh, and human. with that i mean it humanises how a lot of us feel or think. it isn't all nicey political correcty if you know what i mean. it wanders and it's mundane (fries and garlic bread mundane) which gives me the realism that enhances the originality you show.

thanks for a good read

[heslopian]

Tall and blond, my Aryan prince, [this line has some masochism in ]
two legs like beanstalks reaching
the throne of his buttocks. [great two lines]
Leaning over my chilli supper,
American "fries" and garlic bread,
self-pity, as warm and familiar [for me this should be a new sentence]
as an Agatha Christie novel,
settles on my stomach like indigestion,
that classic pain which all depressives know.
Nobody wants to fuck a fatty, [i love this line (funny as hell)as sad as it is]
especially not cute Russian boys.
Anne Sexton, I love ya, but baby
you were wrong. When you wrote that
"No one's alone," you lied. Though
maybe without intention.

lots to like about this jack. it's original, fresh, and human. with that i mean it humanises how a lot of us feel or think. it isn't all nicey political correcty if you know what i mean. it wanders and it's mundane (fries and garlic bread mundane) which gives me the realism that enhances the originality you show.

thanks for a good read

Thanks Billy! I was waiting for you to rip the shit out of this one, so your praise is a pleasant surprise. I doodled it on the back of a worksheet from US literature after finishing my meal, and, like you, thought it rambling and mundane, but not in the good way, if you know what I mean.
That you say I'm not politically correct makes me very happy indeed! I often worry about seeming like a bore, a prude, if you will.
Thanks also for the feedback; I'll edit that line once I've finished this.

[Lawrence]

Just one thing:
"Beanstalks" doesn't work for me. I hear it too often to describe things nowadays, so maybe it's a tad cliche?
"that classic pain which all depressives know." This doesn't seem to resonate with me either. I think everyone knows this uncomfortable feeling, and that this feeling is already implicitly understood as pain. All seems to fit without it (in my humble opinion).

Otherwise, I love it. Full of emotion, really.
I think the fact that you scribbled it on the back of a piece of paper means it was more or less an emotional process.

[heslopian]

Thank you for the feedback, Lawrence. The "depressives" line you mention refers to a specific kind of pain, associated with anxiety, which people suffering from mental illness feel; but yeah, that line is too vague and esoteric. I'll have a think about how it can be changed.
Thanks again for the feedback and also your kind words.

[LiteraryAntiquity]

Tall and blond, my Aryan prince, [I love the use of 'Aryan' because it also tells us he's blue eyed without having to say it.]
two legs like beanstalks reaching[ I adored the word 'reaching' because it put the image in my head of a child holding onto a parents leg trying to get their own way and that's witty because it makes the man seem older.]
the throne of his buttocks.
Leaning over my chilli supper, [If this line refers to lunch at college I don't think 'supper' works. You're looking for a clever line and I can see that but I don't think that word works.]
American "fries" and garlic bread.
Self-pity, as warm and familiar
as an Agatha Christie novel, [ This reference was really well chosen though I appreciate all references to outside matter because it shows knowledge.]
settles on my stomach like indigestion,
that classic pain which all depressives know.
Nobody wants to fuck a fatty,
especially not cute Russian boys.
Anne Sexton, I love ya, but baby
you were wrong. When you wrote that
"No one's alone," you lied. Though
maybe without intention. [The last two lines really spoke to me. It's something I can totally relate on, that slight bitterness it what makes this piece not only spot perfect but worldly.]

I adored the fact in this piece that you go into full detail of the person you're looking at without being clean cut about it in typical descriptions so this piece read really well. Thanks for the read. Well done.