The stage.

[lizzyrose12]

.................

[billy]

Blank canvas.
Empty stage.
And there should be no rage, over shoes that will never fit.
And thought the spotlight will never shine, still the passion will be mine.
And the slowly fading symphony still plays inside my head.
Slowly fading.
Slowly fading.
And I shall wait, through the darkness of night,
And though (me and)my talents you will never know,
We will still be here, waiting to glow

well we're not professionals, but we do have opinions
we try not to give terrible reviews in mild critique

normally we just give general feedback in this forum but you asked so;
remove anything in bold and add anything in (brackets)

i really like this poem lizzy. some of the images rock. L3 is for me superb,
perfect even.

well worth the read. thanks

[heslopian]

This was wonderful. Like your previous thread - "A poem and a question" - stripped down to its bare elements, and told from the first person viewpoint. The syntax of the third line doesn't work for me; I'd have written it like this: "And over shoes that won't fit there should never be rage."
The line beginning "And though the spotlight" (Billy's already highlighted the typo, so I won't parrot him) is unbelievably good; perfect rhythm, subtle yet fierce.
The penultimate line was a wee bit slipshod; I think in establishing the final couplet, you sacrificed some cohesion. I would have written it like this: "And though to you my gifts may now never show." Or something like that. The final line is perfect; pregnant with a quiet hopefulness which really resonates.
Awesome work, lizzyrose!

[lizzyrose12]

Blank canvas.
Empty stage.
And there should be no rage, over shoes that will never fit.
And thought the spotlight will never shine, still the passion will be mine.
And the slowly fading symphony still plays inside my head.
Slowly fading.
Slowly fading.
And I shall wait, through the darkness of night,
And though (me and)my talents you will never know,
We will still be here, waiting to glow

well we're not professionals, but we do have opinions
we try not to give terrible reviews in mild critique

normally we just give general feedback in this forum but you asked so;
remove anything in bold and add anything in (brackets)

i really like this poem lizzy. some of the images rock. L3 is for me superb,
perfect even.

well worth the read. thanks

Thanks! What I meant by professionals is that you all have expirence writing poetry. I try to take corrections with poetry but it's really hard to remember them and use them in my poetry. Thank you very much though!

[billy]

you'll get used to it lizzy, just concentrate on a particular thing at a time. spend a few weeks just practising good enjambment for instance. i think you have the potential of being a very good poet.
one of the main things to remember is; always try and be original in expressing your thoughts and idea.