Winter Clowder

[wasellajam]

Winter Clowder

Domestic cats  are best brought home in pairs
as if they didn't sleep the day away,
content while we're at work or on a walk,
or babysitting infants so their moms
and dads can meet the mortgage, pay the tax
and warm the house when arctic fronts converge.
Supposedly most felines crave the company
of other cats to keep them busy and amused,
ours argue over laps and water bowls
and stalk each other at the litter box.
We hoped expanding their environment
might help relieve the stress of indoor life;
we split the deck to build a cat retreat
adjacent to the lakeside sliding doors.
We stapled hardware cloth to cedar frames,
attached the fiberglass with roofing screws
and weatherproofed the swinging catdoor flap.
Now snow accumulates around the edge
and coats the slatted upper lookout  shelves,
they're not deterred by single digit temps
and gallop out to make their great escape.


(light edit this morning either to smooth the bumps or make more) 

[brynmawr1]

Winter Clowder

Domestic cats  are best brought home in pairs   not sure why this line is italicized
as if they didn't sleep the day away,    maybe 'don't'
content while we're at work or on a walk,
or babysitting infants so their moms
and dads can meet the mortgage, pay the tax   'pay the tax' seems a little forced to hit the meter.  I like the little resonance with 'laps' and 'box' later.
and warm the house when arctic fronts converge.
Supposedly most felines crave the company    maybe a comma after 'supposedly'
of other cats to keep them busy and amused,
ours argue over laps and water bowls
and stalk each other at the litter box.
We hoped expanding their environment
might help relieve the stress of indoor life;
we split the deck to build a cat retreat
adjacent to the lakeside sliding doors.
We stapled hardware cloth to cedar frames,
attached the fiberglass with roofing screws
and weatherproofed the swinging catdoor flap.
Now snow accumulates around the edge
and coats the slatted upper lookout  shelves,
they're not deterred by single digit temps
and gallop out to make their great escape.  your cats are braver than mine.  Haven't been able to get mine outside since it snowed and temps plummeted. 


(light edit this morning either to smooth the bumps or make more) 

Good morning,

How can you go wrong with cats, right?  I enjoyed waking up to this over my morning coffee.  I read the earlier version and like the changes you made, though I'm sure I'm not remembering all of them!  I am not good at all in assessing meter, so I will leave that to others, but I think it's close.  I don't have a lot of changes to suggest in its current form.  It's a matter of taste, I think, but for me it leans to the prosaic side a little too much.  Adding in some metaphor or simile might liven it up some.  I would also play with it in free verse or at least broken up some to offer more options for layered meanings.
Thanks for the read,
Bryn

PS forgot to mention that I like the title.  Had to look up Chowder!

[wasellajam]

Winter Clowder

Domestic cats  are best brought home in pairs   not sure why this line is italicized
as if they didn't sleep the day away,    maybe 'don't'
content while we're at work or on a walk,
or babysitting infants so their moms
and dads can meet the mortgage, pay the tax   'pay the tax' seems a little forced to hit the meter.  I like the little resonance with 'laps' and 'box' later.
and warm the house when arctic fronts converge.
Supposedly most felines crave the company    maybe a comma after 'supposedly'
of other cats to keep them busy and amused,
ours argue over laps and water bowls
and stalk each other at the litter box.
We hoped expanding their environment
might help relieve the stress of indoor life;
we split the deck to build a cat retreat
adjacent to the lakeside sliding doors.
We stapled hardware cloth to cedar frames,
attached the fiberglass with roofing screws
and weatherproofed the swinging catdoor flap.
Now snow accumulates around the edge
and coats the slatted upper lookout  shelves,
they're not deterred by single digit temps
and gallop out to make their great escape.  your cats are braver than mine.  Haven't been able to get mine outside since it snowed and temps plummeted. 


(light edit this morning either to smooth the bumps or make more) 

Good morning,

How can you go wrong with cats, right?  I enjoyed waking up to this over my morning coffee.  I read the earlier version and like the changes youmade, though I'm sure I'm not remembering all of them!  I am not good at all in assessing meter, so I will leave that to others, but I think it's close.  I don't have a lot of changes to suggest in its current form.  It's a matter of taste, I think, but for me it leans to the prosaic side a little too much.  Adding in some metaphor or simile might liven it up some.  I would also play with it in free verse or at least broken up some to offer more options for layered meanings.
Thanks for the read,
Bryn

PS forgot to mention that I like the title.  Had to look up Chowder!

Hi, thanks so much!
L1 first started with They say, then I tried quotes then italics, I'll work on it.
Agree pay the tax falls flat, maybe taxes, maybe scrap it, thanks.
Yes, I may be writing prosaic cat poems until the pen cries Uncle!
Really appreciate your time.