The Blank Verse Challenge (Practice IP with me)

[dukealien]

Luck and Totality

Perhaps it’s lucky your new SUV
was totaled so soon after it arrived
in your garage.  A leaping winter buck
it struck rose up and bounded on his way;
the car was not so fortunate, but you
did not lose face to air-bag’s triggered punch.
Could be electric running was to blame:
in hybrid silence impact stunned all three.
You gave that car a name, a christening
of sorts but hadn’t had the time to form
that deep affection long-owned autos gain–
so best forgotten as its parts pass through
used markets, saving others from its fate.

Hi! I enjoyed this, the story, word choice and regular meter. The only faint hiccup I had was L12 as. I can say it stressed though it wouldn’t normally be but it’s probably one of those loopholes that’s totally acceptable, I’m no expert

As you mentioned before, after I write it, I hear it that way... hard to predict what a reader will hear.

On the earlier "enTIRE" vs "ENtire" issue, I think it may really be dialect:  when I try to say enTIRE it develops a midwestern phantom "y:"  en-TI-yur.  Which I avoid because it's low-class, or just unpleasant.  Professor Higgins would be scandalized, musically... the Americans haven't spoken it for years!

[rayheinrich]

I'll take a look at the link, haha the stressed and unstressed syllables were the death of me in every poetry class I've taken.

Sorry, I was in smart-ass mode. If I'm going to be smart-ass I should at least try to be helpful as well. So:

I find it helps to get in the mood for doing a specific rhythm/meter.
Before I'm writing something, iambic pentameter in this case, I'll say this out loud:

di DAH di DAH di DAH   di DAH di DAH (pause)

di DAH di DAH di DAH   di DAH di DAH (pause)

And several more times just to get in the swing of things. You can even write the line above
your line and say it first and then your line and it will make the faults in your line stand out better.
Also your brain is really great at forcing the line you've written into the rhythm you are trying for.
It helps to step away for a moment, pet the cat, and then come back and read your line.
It needs to be long enough so your brain forgets what rhythm it was forcing the words into.

Here is a great set of tiny lessons for learning this stuff:
(It's a great site, with lots of helpful articles. I just read #5 and learned a few things myself.)

Learning Meter #1: Stressed and Unstressed Syllables
https://www.writebetterpoems.com/article...-syllables

Learning Meter #2: Stresses in Sentences
https://www.writebetterpoems.com/article...-sentences

Learning Meter #3: Reading for Meter
https://www.writebetterpoems.com/article...r-in-poems

Learning Meter #4: Writing with Meter (How to write a line of iambic pentameter)
https://www.writebetterpoems.com/article...with-meter

Learning Meter #5: Varying Your Meter (How to screw up intentionally.)
https://www.writebetterpoems.com/article...variations

[Weeded]

Along the confines captains wager ships to wind-

A betting man, sojourn and dock before the winter hits
or face Hell's fury, God creates our resting place
so after all it doesnt really matter
your poison's picked so pick the path less sadder.

[wasellajam]

p

Along the confines captains wager ships to wind-

A betting man, sojourn and dock before the winter hits
or face Hell's fury, God creates our resting place
so after all it doesnt really matter
your poison's picked so pick the path less sadder.

Hey, thanks for posting!

The first three are long with a few bumps along the way but I think the last two are perfect if sadder becomes sad.

[wasellajam]

Lake House

The tracks were laid a hundred years ago
to carry coal from nearby western states
and summer tourists coming from the east.
A playground for the restless city folk:
the grand hotel that burnt in 1912,
a child's amusement park with ride-on train
that wrapped around the boulders, through the grove.
Canoes and rowboats crossed the lake to reach
an outdoor stage and dance beneath the stars.

They started building summer bungalows
so just one trip could span the urban heat,
small wood framed boxes barely large enough
to load the kids in bunks and cook a meal.
A generation later, children raised
to cherish memories of nighttime swims,
friends' laughter floating on the evening breeze,
now questioned why they ever had to leave.
Additions here, additions there expand
each little shelter bit by bit until
each one becomes a piecework of a home.

[milo]

Lake House

The tracks were laid a hundred years ago
to carry coal from nearby western states
and summer tourists coming from the east.
A playground for the restless city folk:
the grand hotel that burnt in 1912,
a child's amusement park with ride-on train
that wrapped around the boulders, though the grove.
Canoes and rowboats crossed the lake to reach
an outdoor stage and dance beneath the stars.

They started building summer bungalows
so just one trip could span the urban heat,
small wood framed boxes barely large enough
to load the kids in bunks and cook a meal.
A generation later, children raised
to cherish memories of nighttime swims,
friends' laughter floating on the evening breeze,
now questioned why they ever had to leave.
Additions here, additions there expand
each little shelter bit by bit until
each one becomes a piecework of a home.

I have a difficulty demoting "friends'" but other than that no issues.  It has the wonderful feel when the subject matches the form, this is the perfect type of subject for blank verse in my opinion and it is an enjoyable read.

Actually, same issue with small

[wasellajam]

Lake House

The tracks were laid a hundred years ago
to carry coal from nearby western states
and summer tourists coming from the east.
A playground for the restless city folk:
the grand hotel that burnt in 1912,
a child's amusement park with ride-on train
that wrapped around the boulders, though the grove.
Canoes and rowboats crossed the lake to reach
an outdoor stage and dance beneath the stars.

They started building summer bungalows
so just one trip could span the urban heat,
small wood framed boxes barely large enough
to load the kids in bunks and cook a meal.
A generation later, children raised
to cherish memories of nighttime swims,
friends' laughter floating on the evening breeze,
now questioned why they ever had to leave.
Additions here, additions there expand
each little shelter bit by bit until
each one becomes a piecework of a home.

I have a difficulty demoting "friends'" but other than that no issues.  It has the wonderful feel when the subject matches the form, this is the perfect type of subject for blank verse in my opinion and it is an enjoyable read.

Thanks so much for reading, I’ll fix that.

[rayheinrich]

Lake House

The tracks were laid a hundred years ago
to carry coal from nearby western states
and summer tourists coming from the east.
A playground for the restless city folk:
the grand hotel that burnt in 1912,
a child's amusement park with ride-on train
that wrapped around the boulders, though the grove.
Canoes and rowboats crossed the lake to reach
an outdoor stage and dance beneath the stars.

They started building summer bungalows
so just one trip could span the urban heat,
small wood framed boxes barely large enough
to load the kids in bunks and cook a meal.
A generation later, children raised
to cherish memories of nighttime swims,
friends' laughter floating on the evening breeze,
now questioned why they ever had to leave.
Additions here, additions there expand
each little shelter bit by bit until
each one becomes a piecework of a home.

I have a difficulty demoting "friends'" but other than that no issues.  It has the wonderful feel when the subject matches the form, this is the perfect type of subject for blank verse in my opinion and it is an enjoyable read.

Thanks so much for reading, I’ll fix that.

Such a smooth flow, it reads so comfortably; which fits the subject's emotional content to a T.

( typo? "though the grove")

[wasellajam]

I have a difficulty demoting "friends'" but other than that no issues.  It has the wonderful feel when the subject matches the form, this is the perfect type of subject for blank verse in my opinion and it is an enjoyable read.

Thanks so much for reading, I’ll fix that.

Such a smooth flow, it reads so comfortably; which fits the subject's emotional content to a T.

( typo? "though the grove")

Thanks, ray, I'll fix. Also, thanks for sensing any emotional content, I'm a bit numb. Appreciate your time.

[CRNDLSM]

So Nana's started talking bout the bible,
She doesn't like the violence and the wars
The battles and the smites in early books 
It's almost like what's on the news today
No, Nana says that God has chosen her,
And she's immortal, and an astral child,
And sasquatch lives in texas. She believes
that every YouTube video is for her.
At what point do we need to intervene?
Is wanting to improve the earth, a danger?
Just let her know we're listening, and we care.
And she'll stay home fulfilling her divine 
Mission

[wasellajam]

So Nana's started talking bout the bible,
She doesn't like the violence and the wars
The battles and the smites in early books 
It's almost like what's on the news today
No, Nana says that God has chosen her,
And she's immortal, and an astral child,
And sasquatch lives in texas. She believes
that every YouTube video is for her.
At what point do we need to intervene?
Is wanting to improve the earth, a danger?
Just let her know we're listening, and we care.
And she'll stay home fulfilling her divine 
Mission

Hi, I've been enjoying coming back to this multiple times, I love the story, what goes on in her mind and the compassionate ending.

I'm not qualified to accurately evaluate the IP but a few notes:

There were a few "ands" I was forced to stress, in L2 and 3 they're close together and weakened the read for me, as did the lines that ended with an unstressed syllable.

[CRNDLSM]

I'm not qualified to accurately evaluate the IP but a few notes:
Thank you for checking!
There were a few "ands" I was forced to stress, in L2 and 3 they're close together and weakened the read for me, as did the lines that ended with an unstressed syllable.  Yes, too many 'and's, good thing this is practice, pretty sure Nana won't be reading it...

[Tiger the Lion]

I'm terrible at this. For me, meter and rhyme are like bonded kittens. If I'm taking on one I'm usually taking on both. They continue to flirt with each other however hard I try to separate them. 


If twenty twenty six cannot explain 
what twenty twenty five was playing at,
I'll not keep asking questions while I age
toward a year where answers go to die.



-- any more than four lines turns me into Dr. Seuss.

[wasellajam]

I'm terrible at this. For me, meter and rhyme are like bonded kittens. If I'm taking on one I'm usually taking on both. They continue to flirt with each other however hard I try to separate them. 


If twenty twenty six cannot explain 
what twenty twenty five was playing at,
I'll not keep asking questions while I age
toward a year where answers go die.



-- any more than four lines turns me into Dr. Seuss.

I hear you, even being so rhyme rusty it's hard to not end with a rhyming couplet, the end just sinks. The meter looks great to me, typo go to die?

[Tiger the Lion]

I'm terrible at this. For me, meter and rhyme are like bonded kittens. If I'm taking on one I'm usually taking on both. They continue to flirt with each other however hard I try to separate them. 


If twenty twenty six cannot explain 
what twenty twenty five was playing at,
I'll not keep asking questions while I age
toward a year where answers go die.



-- any more than four lines turns me into Dr. Seuss.

I hear you, even being so thyme rusty it's hard to not end with a rhyming couplet, the end just sinks. The meter looks great to me, typo go to die?

Yep. Typo. Funny how the brain will count missing words.