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Exchange
The supermarket aisles read
like one of Nostradamus’ quatrains
an array of unfamiliar faces
telling of lives past and future.
At dark I play over
silent fragments of the film
that pierced my optic nerves
long enough to be engraved
as today’s currency
which I’ll spend in dreams.
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(03-09-2023, 04:58 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote: Exchange
The supermarket aisles read
like one of Nostradamus’ quatrains
an array of unfamiliar faces
telling of lives past and future. How about lives in motion? Past and future is somewhat bland imo.
At dark I play over
silent fragments of the film
that pierced my optic nerves This stanza does not flow as well as the previous.
long enough to be engraved
as today’s currency
which I’ll spend in dreams. Neat idea. Good outlook.
Nostradamus’ quatrains goes over my head-- sounds cool tho.
Not sure if you wanted a critique since this is misc, but you got one.
Count yerself lucky.
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(03-09-2023, 04:58 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote: Exchange
Hey Tim-
This reads like a warm-up, keeping the juices flowin for the NaPM poem-a-day torture coming in April.
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I can't believe it's NaPM time already. Not that I'm particularly creative when under the pump.
I'll think of Nostradamus on my next trip to buy overpriced groceries
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03-10-2023, 02:52 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-10-2023, 02:56 AM by TranquillityBase.)
(03-09-2023, 07:08 AM)Semicircle Wrote: [
Nostradamus’ quatrains goes over my head-- sounds cool tho.
Skim a few, I'm sure they're all over the Internet. I think Nostradamus was really the first Surrealist. I mainly like them because they are so otherworldly.
Not sure if you wanted a critique since this is misc, but you got one.
Count yerself lucky.
I do. I'm pretty needy
I did take one of your suggestions. I know "telling lives past and future" is bland, but the alternative is probably to include some of the people. I was trying to keep it short.
(03-09-2023, 07:58 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote: (03-09-2023, 04:58 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote: Exchange
Hey Tim-
This reads like a warm-up, keeping the juices flowin for the NaPM poem-a-day torture coming in April.

Always ready for prompts. I guess there is an element of pain though, once they mount up.