Posts: 254
Threads: 137
Joined: Feb 2022
Hey you
lean in close
hear my secret
This crime
you and I
we're complicit
What I've done
I don't know
you will listen
This crime
you and I
we're complicit
Posts: 397
Threads: 58
Joined: May 2022
(03-09-2023, 04:50 AM)Semicircle Wrote: Hey you
lean in close
hear my secret
This crime
you and I
we're complicit
What I've done
I don't know
you will listen
This crime
you and I
we're complicit
Hey SC,
Posted in misc so I'll give only general comment. I like the tension developing in the first two stanzas but S3 L2 deflates it with too much uncertainty without coming to some sort of emotional conclusion. If S3 offered more of a climax or intrigue it would work better for me.
Thanks for sharing,
Bryn
