Monday, January 24, 2022

[Mark A Becker]

Monday, January 24, 2022

Ode to Bills Fans

The snow
in Buffalo
falls so hard
it groans.

Deep down
in their bones,
the cruel chill
of Mahomes.

[Knot]

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Hi Mark,
enjoyed it (once I'd found out who Mahomes was) the first verse is very nice, but I think you drop the ball (as it were) in lines 5-6, they don't get you from L4 to L7 and the rhyme (of bones with groans and Mahomes) doesn't really work, for me. Can you work some snippet of the game into those two lines?


Best, Knot


.

[Mark A Becker]

.
Hi Mark,
enjoyed it (once I'd found out who Mahomes was) the first verse is very nice, but I think you drop the ball (as it were) in lines 5-6, they don't get you from L4 to L7 and the rhyme (of bones with groans and Mahomes) doesn't really work, for me. Can you work some snippet of the game into those two lines?

.

Hey Knot-
Thanks for the comments.  Actually, this is just a fun little piece about the utterly magical NFL game between KC and Buffalo. I haven't seen any poems about sporting events here, and thought is was about time.  So, I just dashed off a piece with S.1 and S.2 each being 11 syllables. 

There are so many impossible details regarding this game that any one snippet would be out of context without the others. I appreciate the suggestions but I've moved on from this one, knowing it has flaws.  I'm just glad I don't live in Buffalo right now. 

On to the next games...
Mark