First year

[Kerbonzo_beenz]

Fawn's icy black pupils
stare down at the tracks,
not comprehending.

The dear mother lies still 
on the gravel--
fawn snuggles up against her.

By morning sun
dear mother stinks of death
fawn leaves her to the flies.

The gaping forest swallows him
never to return to this place.

[busker]

Nicely done.
“Lay” should be “lies” in the present tense
The last “the fawn” could be simply “him”

Also, it’s either “the fawn” or “fawn” - using both is confusing

[Kerbonzo_beenz]

Nicely done.
“Lay” should be “lies” in the present tense
The last “the fawn” could be simply “him”

Also, it’s either “the fawn” or “fawn” - using both is confusing

Thanks. A little can do a lot.