the machiavellin

[moxibeth]

she is split three, while they are split four
aching grass carries them-
the two, not the four

she is a sweet tonic to the other’s ills,
ever so unrequited
disquieted tears are her wine
doors unlock with a draped arm

oh, her bridge sways within
time and tide has worn her away

she imagined, and imagines still,
in whatever corrupted dreams she dreams
when skies were drear they made their truce,
but soon without her, all ambience drowned

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i want to learn as much as possible, so i appreciate any critique :)

[billy]

some lovely line, i'll give feedback tomorrow but for now it needs a title, one that is a key that helps open up the poem.

by the way; thanks for giving feedback elsewhere.

[CRNDLSM]

Howdy,  Machiavellianism is a psychological trait centered on interpersonal manipulation, unemotional coldness, and indifference (copied on a Google search)

she is split three, while they are split four are 'they' important? Is she comparing herself to them throughout the piece?
aching grass carries them-
the two, not the four I'm all about numbers and symbols but 2, 3, 4 not sure what I'm counting, grass?

she is a sweet tonic to the other’s ills, there are 'them' again
ever so unrequited I like this line
disquieted tears are her wine
doors unlock with a draped arm some punctuation can be distracting if it isn't used consistently, I'd say use it or lose it

oh, her bridge sways within
time and tide has worn her away I really like saying 'time and tide' but it may be cliche

she imagined, and imagines still,
in whatever corrupted dreams she dreams she imagined in dreams seems redundant
when skies were drear they made their truce, is this 'their' referencing the first 'they' and 'others'?
but soon without her, all ambience drowned


I don't believe clarity is essential to poetry but it may make it more relatable to readers.  Nice lines keep writing thank you for sharing

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i want to learn as much as possible, so i appreciate any critique