Dirty Metaphors

[Rave]

I look to break new ground
in an old plot
standing fallow 

The words I find
have been soiled
by those farming here
before me

Dirty metaphors
laugh in my face
as I unearth them

I try to kill them 
with my shovel
but the iron in my spade
lacks willpower

What I need is
a silver bullet
to assassinate the letters
of the past

Only then 
can I ever write something
truly unique

[tectak]

Hi rave, 
well, I am pleasantly surprised by this...not shocked, amazed or  stunned....just surprised. It is the ultimate extended metaphor and it is well chosen even though many have gone this way before you. There is irony, too, in the last line. Well done. I will find this difficult.
Best,
tectak 



I look to break new ground
in an old plot
standing fallow I cannnot fault the opener...if this IS the opener

The words I find Yes, I know you know
have already been soiled
by those farming here
before me I may be petty, but someone will say "already" pre-empts "before me". I say nothing.

Dirty metaphors
laugh in my face
as I unearth them Just excellent

I try to kill them 
with my shovel
but the iron in my spade
is rusted and lacks power It has simplicity of intent and it says what it means...I just feel a disconnect between rusty iron and lack of power. Perhaps they do not need to relate...I said I would find this difficult

What I need is
a silver bullet
to assassinate the letters
of the past

Only then 
can I ever write something
truly unique Game, set and match. If you expected me to complain about the lack of punctuation then let me say that this is one of these pieces where the poem is in excess of the pedantry....on my part.

[Rave]

Hi rave, 
well, I am pleasantly surprised by this...not shocked, amazed or  stunned....just surprised. It is the ultimate extended metaphor and it is well chosen even though many have gone this way before you. There is irony, too, in the last line. Well done. I will find this difficult.
Best,
tectak 



I look to break new ground
in an old plot
standing fallow I cannnot fault the opener...if this IS the opener

The words I find Yes, I know you know
have already been soiled
by those farming here
before me I may be petty, but someone will say "already" pre-empts "before me". I say nothing.

Dirty metaphors
laugh in my face
as I unearth them Just excellent

I try to kill them 
with my shovel
but the iron in my spade
is rusted and lacks power It has simplicity of intent and it says what it means...I just feel a disconnect between rusty iron and lack of power. Perhaps they do not need to relate...I said I would find this difficult

What I need is
a silver bullet
to assassinate the letters
of the past

Only then 
can I ever write something
truly unique Game, set and match. If you expected me to complain about the lack of punctuation then let me say that this is one of these pieces where the poem is in excess of the pedantry....on my part.

Thank you for the critique. I deleted "already". And will think more on the disconnect.

---

I made some changes based on what you said tectak. I think its improved but I suppose I'm biased.

[tectak]

Hi rave, 
well, I am pleasantly surprised by this...not shocked, amazed or  stunned....just surprised. It is the ultimate extended metaphor and it is well chosen even though many have gone this way before you. There is irony, too, in the last line. Well done. I will find this difficult.
Best,
tectak 



I look to break new ground
in an old plot
standing fallow I cannnot fault the opener...if this IS the opener

The words I find Yes, I know you know
have already been soiled
by those farming here
before me I may be petty, but someone will say "already" pre-empts "before me". I say nothing.

Dirty metaphors
laugh in my face
as I unearth them Just excellent

I try to kill them 
with my shovel
but the iron in my spade
is rusted and lacks power It has simplicity of intent and it says what it means...I just feel a disconnect between rusty iron and lack of power. Perhaps they do not need to relate...I said I would find this difficult

What I need is
a silver bullet
to assassinate the letters
of the past

Only then 
can I ever write something
truly unique Game, set and match. If you expected me to complain about the lack of punctuation then let me say that this is one of these pieces where the poem is in excess of the pedantry....on my part.

Thank you for the critique. I deleted "already". And will think more on the disconnect.

---

I made some changes based on what you said tectak. I think its improved but I suppose I'm biased.

Good egg...but it was a good piece anyway.