Denial

[just mercedes]

I don’t think of you much.
Just moments like this, when sunlight
spreads fingers from behind cloudbanks
to brush the grey wave-crests with gold,
I remember your touch.
 
Sometimes I glimpse your face
in a crowd of strangers. My heart leaps
and I force my way through,
pulse pounding.
It’s never you.
 
Bird chorus, from their nests
at dusk, remind me of your music.
Now I can’t sing, or laugh, or sometimes
even breathe. I don’t remember you often.
Just every day, it seems.
 

[billy]

i think many will have experienced the 2nd stanza. there's a sense of real loss in the poem that tugs a little. solid write.

[just mercedes]

i think many will have experienced the 2nd stanza. there's a sense of real loss  in the poem that tugs a little. solid write.

Thanks Billy.

[Achebe]

I don’t think of you much.
Just moments like this, when sunlight
spreads fingers from behind cloudbanks
to brush the grey wave-crests with gold,
I remember your touch.
 
Sometimes I glimpse your face
in a crowd of strangers. My heart leaps
and I force my way through,
pulse pounding.
It’s never you.
 
Bird chorus, from their nests
at dusk, remind me of your music.
Now I can’t sing, or laugh, or sometimes
even breathe. I don’t remember you often.
Just every day, it seems.
 

Wait....this is on "For Fun", ist ed a parody. It is a funny parody, but deserves rebuttal.
If it is NOT a parody, then it's somewhat heavy handed, and a deviation from JM's usual style. But it's in "For Fun", so....

[Lizzie]

To be a proper parody of the subject, it needs more flowers.

All the same, it's well written and worthy of a hearty chuckle.

[just mercedes]

Thanks, Achebe and Lizzie, for your reads and comments.


It's not a parody though. 

Just a bit of fun.

[nibbed]

I love this. Every bit.


nibbed

[just mercedes]

I love this. Every bit.


nibbed

Thank you!

[ellajam]

"Always", it has that same feeling, less detached. I enjoy this every time, the last strophe brings a distance and immediacy that is heartbreaking without being melodramatic, just life.

[just mercedes]

"Always", it has that same feeling, less detached. I enjoy this every time, the last strophe brings a distance and immediacy that is heartbreaking without being melodramatic, just life.

Thank you! You're very clever, aren't you? 

[ellajam]

"Always", it has that same feeling, less detached. I enjoy this every time, the last strophe brings a distance and immediacy that is heartbreaking without being melodramatic, just life.

Thank you! You're very clever, aren't you? 

ah, nope. Responsive writing is fun, hence heartbreak in fun.

[TonkaTown]

That second stanza is spot on. I could put myself in that place when reading it.

[RiverNotch]

I don’t think of you much.
Just moments like this, when sunlight
spreads fingers from behind cloudbanks
to brush the grey wave-crests with gold,
I remember your touch.
 
Sometimes I glimpse your face
in a crowd of strangers. My heart leaps
and I force my way through,
pulse pounding.
It’s never you.
 
Bird chorus, from their nests
at dusk, remind me of your music.
Now I can’t sing, or laugh, or sometimes
even breathe. I don’t remember you often.
Just every day, it seems.

I forgot about this until I didn't, the moment around me slowing down just enough to allow me to properly contemplate. I'm proud to report that I haven't felt stanza two in a long time -- because apparently, my loss gave way to illness. But back to the poem. To focus on a particular, I think this is a little melodramatic, in that even in my current, numbed state I'm left feeling something, but that, for me, is a positive. As for generals, this is technically very good, especially when this ceases to be "technical" and becomes "emotional", but for both departments there's not anything in particular to point out -- even the second stanza feels like a sentiment that's been delivered, whether in this medium or some other, with the same or even greater efficacy. Still, that's nothing negative, and I'm sure I'll be as affected as I am right now when I remember this again -- and maybe, given even more time, even more so.