Dark Personified

[Seanwd98]

The gentle touch, the soft embrace
That tickles my toes and kisses my face
‘Til morning breaks, and away it’s chased.
Kept at bay ‘til dusk walks by,
And Mother holds tight to the sky.

Then, slowly walking through the street
Recovers from its last retreat
Draped gently like an endless sheet.
Covering windows, closing doors,
Only to recede once more.

Peacefully timid, eagerly shy
Patiently waiting to explore.

[Magpie]

Hi Sean, my first thought about this poem would be the title, it could give the impression of a more sinister poem than what you have here, so perhaps something like 'The Night Personified'... I would even consider dropping 'personified'.

The gentle touch, the soft embrace
That tickles my toes and kisses my face
‘Til morning breaks, and away it’s chased.
Kept at bay ‘til dusk walks by,
And Mother holds tight to the sky.

Then, slowly walking through the street
Recovers from its last retreat
Draped gently like an endless sheet. -- consider what 'an endless sheet' would be 'a sheet' would work or 'a silk sheet' etc.
Covering windows, closing doors,
Only to recede once more.

Peacefully timid, eagerly shy -- these almost seem like oxymorons, is that intentional? Peaceful and timid, eager and shy?
Patiently waiting to explore.

Just a couple of thoughts for possible consideration,

Thanks for the read,

Mark

[lwahl]

The gentle touch, the soft embrace
That tickles my toes and kisses my face - I don't really connect tickles with 'gentle' and 'soft'
‘Til morning breaks, and away it’s chased.
Kept at bay ‘til dusk walks by,
And Mother holds tight to the sky.

Then, slowly walking through the street
Recovers from its last retreat
Draped gently like an endless sheet. - could endless be a different adjective? 
Covering windows, closing doors,
Only to recede once more. - 'recede' implies there was some sort of enlarging or advancing. perhaps integrate that into the poem in some way?

Peacefully timid, eagerly shy
Patiently waiting to explore.

This was really quite enjoyable to read. Wonderful job.

Logan

[RexBanner]

First stanza holds the strongest and weakest points for me.

Weak: I don't understand how nightfall might tickle one's toes even when personified - kissing of the face is a more appropriate image, in my opinon.
Strong: The metaphorical input in the last two lines of the first stanza are pretty sweet - "Kept at bay til dusk walks by, and Mother holds tight to the sky".

[msredd]

The gentle touch, the soft embrace
That tickles my toes and kisses my face
‘Til morning breaks, and away it’s chased.
Kept at bay ‘til dusk walks by,
And Mother holds tight to the sky.

Then, slowly walking through the street
Recovers from its last retreat
Draped gently like an endless sheet.
Covering windows, closing doors,
Only to recede once more.

Peacefully timid, eagerly shy
Patiently waiting to explore.

I thought it was interesting that you portrayed darkness as such a light, gentle thing when it's so often portrayed as the opposite; I almost felt as if I was reading about a friend. I wonder if you could be clearer as to what the dark is to you in this poem? Phrases like "kept at bay" and "away it's chased" seem to imply that the dark isn't so great a thing as it needs to be held in check, but most of the poem seems to imply otherwise. I really like the last line, "Patiently waiting to explore"; I like the image of darkness exploring the things and places it hits.

[Jonsy3k]

The gentle touch, the soft embrace
That tickles my toes and kisses my face
‘Til morning breaks, and away it’s chased.
Kept at bay ‘til dusk walks by,
And Mother holds tight to the sky.

Then, slowly walking through the street
Recovers from its last retreat
Draped gently like an endless sheet.
Covering windows, closing doors,
Only to recede once more.

Peacefully timid, eagerly shy
Patiently waiting to explore.

I like what is here. Some things I might change would be that if you are trying to personify the dark as an almost matronly figure, make your writing sound more personal use she or he rather than "it" to describe them.

For instance; write something along the lines of:
"A gentle touch, her soft embrace,
Tickles my toes and caresses my face."

Or do you mean mother to be the moon rather than darkness itself? Her gentle glow resplendent through a window, guarding you diligently from the cold embrace of the dark? 

Or is Darkness the mother we seek after the harshness of the light dies away at dusk. Mother enraptured us in her silent presence and tucks us into her blanketed warmth to rest for the coming tribulations we must face in the dominion of the light?

I could be reading toof deeply into this, but take a moment to think about your stance here. Really dig. Does not the mother we seek deserve our affection? Show her here and don't fear using more description. 

Let me know what you think and if I've overstepped any bounds, please. 

Respectfully sent,

Jonsy3k.

[Marymic]

The gentle touch, the soft embrace    (gentle touch sounds a bit cliched, maybe it would help to personify it. - would this work i wonder? or would it defeat the feel of the abstractness of the poem)
That tickles my toes and kisses my face
‘Til morning breaks, and away it’s chased.
Kept at bay ‘til dusk walks by,  ( I love this line)
And Mother holds tight to the sky.

Then, slowly walking through the street
Recovers from its last retreat
Draped gently like an endless sheet. 
Covering windows, closing doors,
Only to recede once more.

Peacefully timid, eagerly shy 
Patiently waiting to explore.

[Joseph Didis]

The gentle touch, the soft embrace
That tickles my toes and kisses my face. I am a bit divided here, I really like this intro, but I have trouble seeing the tickling from shadows..you could look for some inspiration in yin yang, maybe washes my toes..I like the beginning nonetheless
‘Til morning breaks, and away it’s chased.
Kept at bay ‘til dusk walks by,  if it is darkness, it hides in the shadows at day..which might be what you mean by kept at bay, just a thought 
And Mother holds tight to the sky.  

Then, slowly walking through the street
Recovers from its last retreat
Draped gently like an endless sheet.   I really like this metaphor for darkness/night sweeping over earth
Covering windows, closing doors,   I am not sure how it closes doors?
Only to recede once more.

Peacefully timid, eagerly shy
Patiently waiting to explore.   Beautiful ending stanza

I liked the read, you might have already used yin and yang as inspiration, otherwise darkness is a perfect subject for it. 

Thank you for sharing this poem

[DavidF]

Hi there I enjoy the fondness you have for your subject. Almost like it's your puppy. I have a bit of a gripe about your opening. The couplet followed by an assonance really put me on edge. Maybe I just don't get what you are aiming for as you do something similar in the second verse. I am not used to this place or to giving notes on poetry so I hope this isn't totally missing the point.

The gentle touch, the soft embrace                   
That tickles my toes and kisses my face                           
‘Til morning breaks, and away it’s chased.                        
Kept at bay ‘til dusk walks by,                                           
And Mother holds tight to the sky.                 
                                                                               
Then, slowly walking through the street
Recovers from its last retreat                ( maybe 'latest retreat' would avoid confusion )
Draped gently like an endless sheet.     ( 'drapes' might go better with walking to reinforce present tense) 
Covering windows, closing doors,
Only to recede once more.

Peacefully timid, eagerly shy
Patiently waiting to explore.

[XavF]

The gentle touch, the soft embrace
That tickles my toes and kisses my face (tickles feels too playful, perhaps,  "That holds my hands and kisses my face")
‘Til morning breaks, and away it’s chased. (This feels a little too final? Idk)
Kept at bay ‘til dusk walks by, 
And Mother holds tight to the sky. (can you clarify what this represents?)

Then, slowly walking through the street (walking and walk had been used, strolling fits well and alliterates)
Recovers from its last retreat (recovering rather than recovers) 
Draped gently like an endless sheet.
Covering windows, closing doors, 
Only to recede once more.

Peacefully timid, eagerly shy
Patiently waiting to explore.

Thanks for the poem! My thoughts are in brackets above!

[mitsuch]

Enjoyable read! Thank you! I just felt that some of the lines were getting lost in flowery wording and losing the clarity. Your first stanza has a simple yet beautiful clarity to it which is what drew me to it, you are losing my attention in the first couple lines from the second stanza, so maybe you could rework them to make them simpler and more inviting. Overall, very enjoyable.

The gentle touch, the soft embrace
That tickles my toes and kisses my face
‘Til morning breaks, and away it’s chased.
Kept at bay ‘til dusk walks by,
And Mother holds tight to the sky. - Was not able to understand the meaning of this line. Make it clearer.

Then, slowly walking through the street
Recovers from its last retreat - Again, the meaning becomes a bit foggy, you lose the clarity from the first stanza.
Draped gently like an endless sheet.
Covering windows, closing doors,
Only to recede once more.

Peacefully timid, eagerly shy
Patiently waiting to explore.