A Poet's Mathematics

[Tiger the Lion]

A Poet’s Mathematics

five seconds flat
to fall in love
 
a lifetime
to rightly divide it;
to edit us in perfect black ink
 
my desk is a mess
but I know exactly
where I left you
 
there’s a tax bill
with a sticky note
under the bulk
of an old office calculator
trying to weigh us down
 
I’ve unplugged it

[RiverNotch]

A Poet’s Mathematics

five seconds flat
to fall in love psh, I've fallen in love in four
 
a lifetime
to rightly divide it; to rightly divide love? between different objects, or between two lovers? between children, hobbies, and wife, or between man and woman? and, less thought-wise, why the semicolon?
to edit us in perfect black ink
 
my desk is a mess
but I know exactly
where I left you this feels right. i keep remembering this cherished dream i had of meeting a red haired girl in a study, her face all orange with the firelight, her body all perfect on that Grecian chaise longue.....but i digress.
 
there’s a tax bill
with a sticky note i hate sticky notes. this, and to older peeps prolly the tax bill, remove the good feels of the last stanza -- what you intended, i guess. but thought-wise i think this is where i truly get confused -- that is, what is the sticky note for? are you storyboarding on the IRS?
under the bulk
of an old office calculator in my mind, it's always those Paschal rulers or whatever, then them by-battery calculators, but here's another bit of wisdom I don't really get -- that is, calculators had to be plugged in?
trying to weigh us down i think the tax bill should be what's trying to weigh you down, and the palpability of the calculator detracts from it -- in fact, i'd consider the old office calculator an uplifting thing, one because it helps with the taxes, and two because i like old things, [like maybe the speaker? xP]
 
I’ve unplugged it i get sorta confused by this end line -- again, i keep thinking the tax bill's the real weight, and hey, calculators plugged in? i almost -- almost! -- get the thought, though

I sorta like this? I feel like I'm missing something to fully get this -- not allusions or references or whatever, but a way of thinking, especially about poetry (or, hell, taxes ).

[LunaDeLore]

Tiger,

there’s a tax bill
with a sticky note
under the bulk
of an old office calculator
trying to weigh us down

I’ve unplugged it

Even old calculators where mostly cordless. It was the greatest thing about them when they hit the market. People could unplug the old adding machines and carry a calculator in their pocket. And I think L12. would better convey your message by replacing calculator with something like an old adding machine or even distressed adding machine especially since you dealing with taxes.

Here's an idea:

my desk is a mess
but I know exactly
where I left you

there’s a tax bill
with a note
under the bulk
of an old adding machine
trying to weigh us down

I’ve unplugged it

L5 also strikes me as a place for possible revision. Black ink is black and we typically see it referred to in shades, such as charcoal black or midnight black etc. It may read better (for example) like this:

a lifetime
to rightly divide it;
to edit us in jet black ink...

I mean wouldn't black ink already be perfectly black just being black?

And to be in complete admittance, I truly enjoyed reading this poem and appreciate the energy it radiates; just a bit of polish could make it even better.


Luna