Posts: 170
Threads: 53
Joined: Jan 2013
The door wasn't budging, and I couldn't remember why I was kicking it in the first place, or exactly whose door it was; but, I was compelled to keep kicking. If I could open the door, everything would be just fine. I gave up; and then, Mr Machismo opened my head with his boot. That didn't do the trick, at all. I tried explaining that it was the door that needed opening, but he didn't speak my language, and I was becoming woozy trying to understand his. I was happy, joyous, dizzy and dreaming; and ambulance lights, like industrial strength Christmas decorations, spun strobes across the sky.
Posts: 1,325
Threads: 82
Joined: Sep 2013
Good one, shem, it could almost be a metaphor. 
Good to read you 
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
Posts: 580
Threads: 71
Joined: Oct 2015
(03-13-2016, 11:33 AM)shemthepenman Wrote: The door wasn't budging, and I couldn't remember why I was kicking it in the first place, or exactly whose door it was; but, I was compelled to keep kicking. If I could open the door, everything would be just fine. I gave up; and then, Mr Machismo opened my head with his boot. That didn't do the trick, at all. I tried explaining that it was the door that needed opening, but he didn't speak my language, and I was becoming woozy trying to understand his. I was happy, joyous, dizzy and dreaming; and ambulance lights, like industrial strength Christmas decorations, spun strobes across the sky.
Martin Amiss would be proud. This is too good to waste on a short poem. It deserves a full length book.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe
Posts: 170
Threads: 53
Joined: Jan 2013
(03-13-2016, 11:38 AM)ellajam Wrote: Good one, shem, it could almost be a metaphor.
Good to read you
yes, metaphor, that's the ticket.
and to be sure, you are reading a year younger me, before i stopped writing. stumbled upon it by accident, and it made me laugh, so.
(03-13-2016, 11:54 AM)Achebe Wrote: Martin Amiss would be proud. This is too good to waste on a short poem. It deserves a full length book.
oh, thank you. i haven't read any martin amiss, but i will, nonetheless, take it as a compliment.
Posts: 326
Threads: 90
Joined: Apr 2013
Nice one Shem, that last line is particularly brilliant. 
 wae aye man ye radgie
Posts: 170
Threads: 53
Joined: Jan 2013
(03-13-2016, 09:53 PM)ambrosial revelation Wrote: Nice one Shem, that last line is particularly brilliant.
that is nice of you to say. thank you.
I like that this could be seen as needing to open your mind to open doors. I like that metaphor.
Posts: 1,827
Threads: 305
Joined: Dec 2016
...and then I blacked out.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
just mercedes
Unregistered
Enjoyed - a cross between London Fields and Train Spotters? With a dash of Clockwork Orange.
Extremely enjoyable poem. The way to put it together was exquisite.
|
