From your local Gestapo

[Observer]

We know what’s best for you.
We know your pressure points.
We’re trained to snap sinew,
and dislocate your joints.

We’ve locked up petty thieves,
we’ve put down rabid dogs,
we represent the law
and now, we are your Gods.

Whether it’s search warrants
or searing lead torrents,
we’re bullies and tyrants
and we love to torment (the weak).

Now, the situation’s bleak,
but we’re here to protect.
Please try not to shriek
when you see our neglect (of duty).

Be sure you know whose side
THIS Police Force is on:
(Not)
Yours.

[ChristopherSea]

Hello Observer,

I found your poem very amusing.
You broke your ABAB rhyme scheme in stanza 2
and you use slant rhymes in places.
Some sticklers may jab you for them,
but they are fine with me.

I see the humor (in them), but you don’t
really need the parenthetical explanations.
They may obstruct the rhythm more
than help the piece. You could try
removing them or dropping them
to the next line. eg:

..we’re bullies and tyrants
and we love to torment
(the weak).

The close could use a rhyme to maintain
your lyrical flow. In this vein:

Before you find yourself shanghaied,
beware this police force is on your side
(Not)

…but something a lot better! Good luck with your next edit. Welcome to the site./Chris

[Todd]

Observer,

My only thought on this one is that villains don't see themselves as villains. They would not call themselves bullies and tyrants. I don't mind the perspective, but I think to make it better present them as unreliable narrators, heroes in their own minds, but let the poem contradict their position.

Just a thought.

Best,

Todd

[Erthona]

I liked your first two stanzas which were in iambic trimeter. Dropping it in S3 was disrupting to the reading. The topic in this presentation was simplistic/black and white thinking. It set up the them "government" and the we "not the government" against each each other. It characterized the government as the evil bully and the "we" as the innocent victim. Only nominal experience of life teaches us that situation are never so straightforward, no matter how they might appear. Setting on side against the other is a tactic often used in rhetoric to fire up the crowd, but much less effective and obvious when there is no speaker to pound the podium, as it were. Maybe this might suffice for someone naive enough, who only is looking for an excuse to feel self-righteous anger. Believe me, if anyone would have cause to have an ax to grind against the police it would be me, as I was basically robbed by them because someone who was staying at my house was accused of committing a crime. They decided it warranted taking everything that might have pawn shop value. They took the video camera, but left the video tape, TV's, music equipment, and so on. When I went to reclaim it nearly two years later after the trial was completed, I only got less than a third of it back, a lot of that was broken. So if this were going to appeal to someone, it should appeal to me.

Best,

Dale