Tangent on Love

[belkar]

On blank canvas one point passed
by a circle along a straight path.
And a circle could wish with all his might
that a tangent could stick around despite
all of the tenants of logic and math,
that defines what who he was on his graph,
but that does not change the fact,
he was but a circle.
So he watched her crash.

And so he thought, what if he'd put up more of a fight,
maybe if he'd spun just right,
he could curve a line as it moves mid-flight.
Be like a planet, so he thought.
Stop the dot as it comes in hot.

It takes great strength to quit
on someone you would rather commit.

People say they are proud of me.
I would be too, if I was you,
but me is me and you is you, and
no one knows half the power of one over two,
with a leather coat and a doctors vote, a late night phone call and suicide note.

I hate the thought
that all I've wrought
was a picture; after all I've fought.

For you I sacrificed everything.
And you tossed me aside like a petty thing.
I could not stop where you were going.
But I gave you my heart so you didn’t have to go alone.

[fromcancertocapricorn]

On blank canvas one point passed
by a circle along a straight path.
And a circle could wish with all his might  
that a tangent could stick around despite  
all of the tenants of logic and math,  
that defines what who he was on his graph,
but that does not change the fact,
he was but a circle.  
So he watched her crash.

And so he thought, what if he'd put up more of a fight,
maybe if he'd spun just right,  
he could curve a line as it moves mid-flight.
Be like a planet, so he thought.
Stop the dot as it comes in hot.

It takes great strength to quit This is a major shift, I'm not so sure I like it, I think the analogy of a tangent and a circle almost could go unexplained, and be further extenuated.
on someone you would rather commit.

People say they are proud of me.
I would be too, if I was you,  
but me is me and you is you, and
no one knows half the power of one over two,  
with a leather coat and a doctors vote, a late night phone call and suicide note. You start sounding a little like Shel Silverstein here, and it doesn't fit with the rest of the poem, before.

I hate the thought
that all I've wrought
was a picture; after all I've fought. This is just awfully trite.

For you I sacrificed everything.
And you tossed me aside like a petty thing.
I could not stop where you were going.
But I gave you my heart so you didn’t have to go alone. By the end here, you have lost the base analogy of this poem, which I really do love, and wish you would continue with.

I think you need to work in some more connection with you first and second stanzas regarding the analogy of a tangent and a line after you leave the analogy itself, which is very promising. I like the thought here, but wish you would stick with the poem's strong point, the analogy. And maybe call it tangent to love? Mathematically speaking, tangent on love doesn't really work.

[Leah S.]

On blank canvas one point passed
by a circle along a straight path. Who passed who? The point could either have been passed by the circle, or the point was the one who passed by the circle.
And a circle could wish with all his might  
that a tangent could stick around despite  
all of the tenants of logic and math,  I think you mean "tenets." I got a cute image of little minions living in tiny apartments built of logic and math.
that defines what who he was on his graph,
but that does not change the fact,
he was but a circle.  
So he watched her crash. Why does being 'but a circle' prevent him from averting the crash? Are circles required to be stationary according to the Rules of Graph, while points are mobile?

And so he thought, what if he'd put up more of a fight,
maybe if he'd spun just right,  
he could curve a line as it moves mid-flight.
Be like a planet, so he thought.
Stop the dot as it comes in hot.

It takes great strength to quit
on someone you would rather commit. Do you mean 'someone to whom you would rather commit' or do you mean you would rather commit someone to an institution?

People say they are proud of me.
I would be too, if I was you,  Were.
but me is me and you is you, and Well there goes any regard for grammar. Disregard previous since I assume the decent grammar of the preceding lines was unintentional.
no one knows half the power of one over two,  I'm not good at math, but I don't think that is the reason that this line's meaning is unclear.
with a leather coat and a doctors vote, a late night phone call and suicide note. Needs a rimshot.

I hate the thought
that all I've wrought
was a picture; after all I've fought. All what you've fought? Do you mean how much or how long you've fought?

For you I sacrificed everything.
And you tossed me aside like a petty thing.
I could not stop where you were going.
But I gave you my heart so you didn’t have to go alone. If you were trying to rhyme "going" and "alone," it didn't work.

This appears to be a poem about a man in love with a woman who is bent hell-for-leather on a self destructive course. That is okay subject matter for a poem, but the analogies and metaphors of 'blank canvas' (suggesting art of some kind) and the 'graph' (suggesting unemotional mathematical rules and probabilities) just don't help me imagine clearly, and they certainly don't produce any empathy or emotional involvement, much less appreciation of clever wordplay.
Carry on. Leah.