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A letter in the devil’s house,
Beside his port and glass,
Might have your name within its lines:
A prison for the passed.
From ghosts to goblins, all repent!
These earthen fields will fade,
And in their place a zombie’s grin,
Outshines the mortal jade.
The human years wilt, darkling babes!
To timeless caves you’ll fall,
Where vampires and witches cry,
Their souls in Torment’s ball.
The path to shameless paradise,
Above those torture caves,
Is drenched in blood from God’s own lamb,
Its pain is all that saves.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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i stumbled with Where vampires and witches cry, until i read it out loud, and bugger me it's pronounced vamp i ers.
nicely done jack,
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(10-30-2014, 01:09 AM)billy Wrote: i stumbled with Where vampires and witches cry, until i read it out loud, and bugger me it's pronounced vamp i ers.
nicely done jack,
Ha, same here, I can see now how it works.
I had trouble with "The human years wilt" also, I naturally say the HUMan years WILT.
Might be just me, and even if it's not, the poem's a good read as is.
Where I live the occasion seems to have lost its religious footing and has historically been used for other purposes, so I appreciated the poem ending on that note.
Thanks for the read.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
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Perfect for All Hallows' Eve!
Especially:
A letter in the devil’s house,
Beside his port and glass,
Might have your name within its lines:
A prison for the passed.
Though "Where vampires and witches cry, " trips me up too.
There should be four iambs on that line. Of course I'm from Texas
and prone to improper pronunciationingness (and making up words).
"Where VAMpires BITCH and WITches MOO" (or some such)
would fill the bill.
The human years wilt, darkling babes!
Trips me up as well. My unruly brain keeps screwing up the iamb
by wanting to stress the 'wilt' with the comma after it.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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The "human years" is the line which snags at my ear the most. The original line was "time is naught play, a king's dunce!" but I didn't like starting it with a long foot. Thank you billy, ella and ray for your kind and useful comments
xxx
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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(10-30-2014, 03:03 AM)Heslopian Wrote: The "human years" is the line which snags at my ear the most. The original line was "time is naught play, a king's dunce!" but I didn't like starting it with a long foot. Thank you billy, ella and ray for your kind and useful comments xxx
And kudos to you for your elegant and finely woven imagery.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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(10-30-2014, 11:34 AM)rayheinrich Wrote: (10-30-2014, 03:03 AM)Heslopian Wrote: The "human years" is the line which snags at my ear the most. The original line was "time is naught play, a king's dunce!" but I didn't like starting it with a long foot. Thank you billy, ella and ray for your kind and useful comments xxx
And kudos to you for your elegant and finely woven imagery.
You flatter me, squire
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
