Virginea Wolfed-'65 Revisited

[tectak]

Virginea's soul is crammed in to her eyes;
a woman-child not born until tomorrow.
She cries for all the things she is denied
and like a babe she mouths and sucks and swallows
everything that’s proffered in love’s name.
Her lust is for the new and for the wild;
the craziness of searching for the same
but hoping that by playing the defiled,
the odds will favour her in this long game.
Hear how she moans and how she wails her joy;
a different cry for lovers with no names.
They leave her like an easter Christmas toy,
as I will, too, without remorse or sorrow;
she's mine today...she's anyone’s tomorrow.

tectak '65 then 2014

By popular request. Oh shit, I almost wroted a sonnet

[bena]

Oh dear....for lack of a volta there she goes. Tag! There....I'm snonnet.
At some point I really should sleep.

It's much improved dear. I'll let those who fiddle with iambic pentameter help you work out the kinky parts....

(I think I do it to make myself laugh as much as anything)

mel

[tectak]

Oh dear....for lack of a volta there she goes. Tag! There....I'm snonnet.
At some point I really should sleep.

It's much improved dear. I'll let those who fiddle with iambic pentameter help you work out the kinky parts....

(I think I do it to make myself laugh as much as anything)

mel

Working out kinky parts is not normally accomplished by fiddling with one's iambs...but I was much younger then and if it could go it went.
You got the take...what more could I ask?
Best,
tectsk

[StanleyZ]

Virginea's soul is crammed in to her eyes;
a woman-child not born until tomorrow.
She cries for all the things she is denied
and like a babe she mouths and sucks and swallows
everything that’s proffered in love’s  name.
Her lust is for the new and for the wild;
the craziness of searching for the same
but hoping that by playing the defiled,
the odds will favour her in this long game.
Hear how she moans and how she wails her joy;
a different cry for lovers with no names.
They leave her like an easter Christmas toy,
as I will, too, without remorse or sorrow;
she's mine today...she's anyone’s tomorrow.

tectak '65 then 2014

By popular request. Oh shit, I almost wroted a sonnet

I feel bad for Virginea. She is only looking for what everyone is, but she is so obsessed she never stopped to think about the difference between love and lust. There is a great theme here, especially in the speakers voice, because he(/she o.o) is the one taking advantage of the naive woman-child... Honestly that line kind of trips me up. What do you mean by "not born until tomorrow"? I took it to mean she may as well have been born yesterday. Maybe it's a cultural difference in diction... Either way I like how it alludes to the imagery of a child who needs affection to survive, not to mention the implicit sexual spin on that symbol. She is playing the part of an innocent whore... But at least it is to the benefit of the cynical speaker! I'm interested on your choice to use semi-colons where you did. I know I should be critiquing you in this thread, but I would do more to learn from you rather than leave a pseudo comment.

[ray]

Why are you spelling Virginea with an e anyway?

a woman-child not born until tomorrow.   - I can't work that one out either.

and like a babe she mouths and sucks and swallows  - the line seems too long. I think one of the verbs needs to go

.They leave her like an easter Christmas toy,   - Easter should be capitalised. It's not a very elegant way of saying she's outlived her usefulness.

[tectak]

Virginea's soul is crammed in to her eyes;
a woman-child not born until tomorrow.
She cries for all the things she is denied
and like a babe she mouths and sucks and swallows
everything that’s proffered in love’s  name.
Her lust is for the new and for the wild;
the craziness of searching for the same
but hoping that by playing the defiled,
the odds will favour her in this long game.
Hear how she moans and how she wails her joy;
a different cry for lovers with no names.
They leave her like an easter Christmas toy,
as I will, too, without remorse or sorrow;
she's mine today...she's anyone’s tomorrow.

tectak '65 then 2014

By popular request. Oh shit, I almost wroted a sonnet

I feel bad for Virginea. She is only looking for what everyone is, but she is so obsessed she never stopped to think about the difference between love and lust. There is a great theme here, especially in the speakers voice, because he(/she o.o) is the one taking advantage of the naive woman-child... Honestly that line kind of trips me up. What do you mean by "not born until tomorrow"? I took it to mean she may as well have been born yesterday. Maybe it's a cultural difference in diction... Either way I like how it alludes to the imagery of a child who needs affection to survive, not to mention the implicit sexual spin on that symbol. She is playing the part of an innocent whore... But at least it is to the benefit of the cynical speaker! I'm interested on your choice to use semi-colons where you did. I know I should be critiquing you in this thread, but I would do more to learn from you rather than leave a pseudo comment.

Hi stanley,
You got the full sense of this. The stumble ( I take responsibility) on "...not born until tomorrow" is a metaphorical/allusory phrase which roots in the common phrase "..doesn't know she's born". That is to say she will not know what she has done until much later in life.
Semicolons, indeed almost all the pause-punctuators, are dual purpose. Call a comma a count of one (depending upon your speed of delivery), then a semicolon is two, a colon three and a full stop as the dramatic intent requires. Only a fullstop ENDS a sentence requiring a capital letter on the next start word.
Apart from this somewhat contrived use, these squiggly marks, excluding the fullstop, also permit "linkages"between subjects,objects, concepts,phrasing, listed items. The thing worth remembering is that --counter-intuitively-- commas, semicolons snd colons keep things TOGETHER...not apart; that is how I use them.
Best and thanks,
tectak

[tectak]

Why are you spelling Virginea with an e anyway?

a woman-child not born until tomorrow.   - I can't work that one out either.

and like a babe she mouths and sucks and swallows  - the line seems too long. I think one of the verbs needs to go

.They leave her like an easter Christmas toy,   - Easter should be capitalised. It's not a very elegant way of saying she's outlived her usefulness.

Holy moses, Reay, that's how she spelled her name, not me
From "doesn't know she's born"....yet.
Yes. It should and it wasn't elegant then or now...but that's how it was

You are right about the line length...it was hard to get it all in.
Best,
and thanks,
tectak

[just mercedes]

Well I enjoyed the read. and hesitate to suggest anything = this is already an artifact of your early writing career! Particularly I like 'different cry for lovers with no names' - to me this shows real depression, existentialist welcoming of death.

Did you know you misspelled her name in the thread title?

[tectak]

Well I enjoyed the read. and hesitate to suggest anything = this is already an artifact of your early writing career! Particularly I like 'different cry for lovers with no names' - to me this shows real depression, existentialist welcoming of death.

Did you know you misspelled her name in the thread title?

Thanks merc,
as I am wont to say...there's a lot wrong with this. I found it very enlightening when trying to shoe-horn myself in to the character I once was in order to rewrite it. I can only say it is written by two personas.
Yes...spotted the typo in the title a few days ago. Ain't got round to it yet.
best,
tectak (aged 15 3/4)