So, I Failed your Rorschach Test

[ChristopherSea]

Alright trueE, I modified that last line and I am calling this one ripe enough for now! Thanks to all

Hi Chris,

It looks like your finishing up here, and I love this stanza

Whether animal pelts and bats
or genital sacks and flaps,
they’re somewhat disturbing
in those reds and blacks.

and I now get the reason for the break on "must I" in S3.

Just a couple thoughts: I think S6 would beclearer without the comma after "hide", and in the final stanza would "while I sing.." be stronger than when? (and I still don't think you need both the "you" and the "your" in L6 and 7 of the final stanza. I think the "you" should go, it's already pretty clear who the addressee is. Also, it might be a good idea to break the stanza on "black", into two separate quatrains.)

Thanks for the return look trueE. I do see what you mean with those additional edits. Let me give them a whirl and see if they polish it off. I really appreciate you sticking with me to the conclusion of a poem! You have done so more than once.

[justcloudy]

Hi Chris,

To be perfectly honest, the style of poetry you usually post isn't really my thing so I generally don't have a lot to say about it. I've been a bit absent these last few days and only saw this now, so again I don't have a lot to say, but now it's just because it's already so wonderful. ;D

This really spoke to me. I in turn identified with it and was disturbed by it, in perfect proportion. Read aloud it mostly flows beautifully, though I have to admit I do stumble on those tricky names, and "excised zebra stripes" doesn't work for me either. But could just be me.

Thanks for writing, perfecting, sharing. =]

-justcloudy

[ChristopherSea]

Thanks justcloudy. That's fine, although that is my favorite stanza. I probably try to convey too much in four lines, but I wanted to tie in red, black and white to madness, an art movement and the ink-blot pattern of animal pelts within a single sentence.

What poetry style? I don't think I have posted even two poems that are alike in theme, meter or rhyme.

Much obliged, glad you like something!

[ChristopherSea]

My third final version. Typo's arg! Also changed determine to reveal. Only two more to finalize (or maybe no poem is ever done).