Unititled

[OliverPorano]

helplessness is blind
the symphony of consciousness
stops in the air
with the mad chatter
of unseen audiences

[ellajam]

helplessness is blind
the symphony of consciousness
stops in the air
with the mad chatter
of unseen audiences

Hi, Oliver. I'm curious about why you used blind instead of deaf when the rest of the poem uses audio references. If you meant to make me stop to figure it out you succeeded. I enjoyed "the mad chatter
of unseen audiences"

Thanks for the read.

[mortal]

helplessness is blind
the symphony of consciousness
stops in the air
with the mad chatter
of unseen audiences

Hi,

nice song, even so short it makes impression. For me its confusing jump from first line to second, like they are not connected, but yet they reach towards each other.

Good read, made me think .

[OliverPorano]

helplessness is blind
the symphony of consciousness
stops in the air
with the mad chatter
of unseen audiences

This is either brilliant or confusing...I'm not sure which
I get that helpless people are blind to their needs and that someone hears voices in their head? I think it's either too big for my little brain, or it's too personal for me to understand since I can't read your mind; or I'm just stupid right now...

It's supposed to describe the rising moment of panic whenever you realized that you forgot something and that you are absolutely helpless to do anything that would help the situation.

helplessness is blind
the symphony of consciousness
stops in the air
with the mad chatter
of unseen audiences

Hi, Oliver. I'm curious about why you used blind instead of deaf when the rest of the poem uses audio references. If you meant to make me stop to figure it out you succeeded. I enjoyed "the mad chatter
of unseen audiences"

Thanks for the read.

I was thinking along the lines that panic blinded you to the outside world and how the unconscious surfaced in these moments.

[leftover sushi]

this didn't do much for me. i wanted to have some idea of what you were talking about but the poem was too short for me to get any idea. poems this short should have something tangible in it to create a solid image in the reader's mind in my opinion. maybe read some classic chinese haikus for some inspiration. those type of poems often create a very solid image with few words.

[Malu]

helplessness is blind
the symphony of consciousness
stops in the air
with the mad chatter
of unseen audiences

What I noticed was what someone had already said with the audio/visual senses imbalance. This seems to kind of touch on the "calm before the storm" idea? Something "big" is about of happen? All in all, I liked the combination of these words, mad chatter and symphony of consciousness. Rather short, but still concise, speaks to some degree in pretty good volume.

[jringo_]

helplessness is blindThis line seems very out of place
the symphony of consciousness
stops in the air
with the mad chatter
of unseen audiencesNice rhyme

Short and sweet. The lack of punctuation is very effective. I don't understand why that first line is there though. The sight-audio conflict, plus it doesn't make sense while the rest of the poem is very concrete.

[RyanRader13]

I like the reference to multiple senses, it makes it more relatable, but if you do sight and sound you should try doing it a bit more evenly, to appeal to the reader, so I suggest adding more instead of taking away

[tectak]

helplessness is blind
the symphony of consciousness
stops in the air
with the mad chatter
of unseen audiences

Anything is better than Uni Titled. How about Polytitled.
Enough. You must give it a title so that we know you know what it's about. Are you a poet or not? Can't think of a title? Some wordsmith.
Concept? Not clear. You seem to see with your ears. Lost it in one.
Punctuation? None. You either cannot do it, or worse, think there is something virtuous in the ommission.
Rhythm? None developed. Terse verse. Terse crit.
Yes, I think you are right about Uni Titled.
Best,
tectak
Write another.

[Erthona]

"helplessness is blind" how so?

Some interesting phrases, unfortunately for me it makes no sense.

Dale

[alatos]

I'm really new to poetry, so take this for what it's worth. I'm in the same boat as a few other people, I really have a hard time understanding this poem. All of the lines make sense to me except the third. How does the symphony of consciousness stop in the air? I can't get my head around this. Maybe I'm just interpreting it wrongly though.