The descent

[Intricate B]

The slow descent into insanity.
I can actually feel it happening.
Once, was I perched,
Precariously atop the fence
That defined the thin line
Between genius and insanity.
When the metaphorical boot
Gently landed upon my ass,
I landed on the crazy side.
Bare feet planted firmly
In the greenest,
Ankle high plushness of grass
On the side of
Lollipop trees,
And padded wall skies,
I gaze around with
Un-muddied eyes with
The deepest sense of familiarity.
With an un-felt snap within my head,
Insanity welcomed me with open arms.
And as I became acclimated,
I realized I felt a bit
More at home than I thought possible,
For, nailed to the front door to my house,
Hung a sign...
"Welcome back"
For I had been there before.

And, as I stand in this laundromat,
In "Bible Belt, midwest"
At 5 am
After a night of no sleep,
I feel it.
An accumulation of
Relentless stress,
And "WHERE THE FUCK DID MY SOUND MIND GO?!?!",
Though I probably,
Never possessed it.
The boot to the ass
Takes place in my mind.
The break from reality I felt
Was a very rude awakening
As I feel my sound mind,
Slipping through my fingers,
Like sand at a beach.
"We are gathered here today in remembrance
Of my dearly departed...
Rest in peace, Sanity.
You were a dear friend..
And brother...
You will be missed.."

Intricate B

[rowens]

The first half has promise. The For I had been there before can get rid of the For. Maybe even been here instead of been there.

[jesgrew]

as creative people, we all eventually have an epiphany about our own identities and this is a great interpretation of that process; my only concern is that it is too abstract and lacks concrete in its narrative. for example, why does a fence separate genius from insanity and not genius from sanity? and what is the unknown source for the "metaphysical boot" kicking the character off the fence? did a lover/parent/friend say stop daydreaming? did this dilemma cost someone a job or promotion? a lollipop tree inside my head is cool, that's where i expect to see one, but unless i think i am physically climbing one in real life then the question isn't as much about sanity as it is about simply being bored with reality.

the second half works best to me, beginning with "And, as I stand in this laundromat, In "Bible Belt, midwest" At 5 am After a night of no sleep, I feel it. aaaahhh! now, as a reader, i'm given some context - the idea that the region expects you to somehow conform. this could be "the metaphysical boot" but that would have kicked you towards "the sane side" and not toward the insane one.

i think when writing abstractly or surrealistically, that its still important to have a sense of narrative - it's like envisioning your poetic voice as the embodiment of superman: insane origin story, surreal superpowers, etc, but he defies gravity and then he comes down. or forces are trying to ground him and yet he flies despite them.

battles can take place in our heads, but it helps the reader when they become metaphors for something larger. this poem works well, but it still feels like one side of a story; balance is needed. the second half touches on it but i think it just needs to be expanded upon a little more.

[Intricate B]

as creative people, we all eventually have an epiphany about our own identities and this is a great interpretation of that process; my only concern is that it is too abstract and lacks concrete in its narrative. for example, why does a fence separate genius from insanity and not genius from sanity? and what is the unknown source for the "metaphysical boot" kicking the character off the fence? did a lover/parent/friend say stop daydreaming? did this dilemma cost someone a job or promotion? a lollipop tree inside my head is cool, that's where i expect to see one, but unless i think i am physically climbing one in real life then the question isn't as much about sanity as it is about simply being bored with reality.

the second half works best to me, beginning with "And, as I stand in this laundromat, In "Bible Belt, midwest" At 5 am After a night of no sleep, I feel it. aaaahhh! now, as a reader, i'm given some context - the idea that the region expects you to somehow conform. this could be "the metaphysical boot" but that would have kicked you towards "the sane side" and not toward the insane one.

i think when writing abstractly or surrealistically, that its still important to have a sense of narrative - it's like envisioning your poetic voice as the embodiment of superman: insane origin story, surreal superpowers, etc, but he defies gravity and then he comes down. or forces are trying to ground him and yet he flies despite them.

battles can take place in our heads, but it helps the reader when they become metaphors for something larger. this poem works well, but it still feels like one side of a story; balance is needed. the second half touches on it but i think it just needs to be expanded upon a little more.

This is part 1. Part 2 is "Smile's all agape.."
Also, there is a saying.. "There's a fine line tween genius and insanity." As I said, the fence represented the fine line..