Posts: 204
Threads: 57
Joined: Jan 2013
Under fluorescent light the
ulcer in my lip shines green,
a metal overlay on my snaggle-tooth,
magenta, the pimple inside my nose,
blue.
[I am ugly]
Snickering, a garbage afterthought
with kind deeds rewound--
I imagined a rotting steak
driven through her cheap dress.
I will take revenge upon
an insolent whore who held
family as reason, yet deliberately plucked tears on
that beautiful wedding night.
[but you are hideous]
I'll be there in a minute.
Posts: 1,279
Threads: 187
Joined: Dec 2016
(10-02-2013, 07:52 AM)newsclippings Wrote: Under fluorescent light the
ulcer in my lip shines green,
a metal overlay on my snaggle-tooth,
magenta, the pimple inside my nose,
blue.
[I am ugly]
Snickering, a garbage afterthought
with kind deeds rewound--
I imagined a rotting steak
driven through her cheap dress.
I will take revenge upon
an insolent whore who held
family as reason, yet deliberately plucked tears on
that beautiful wedding night.
[but you are hideous]
amusing . . .
Posts: 1,827
Threads: 305
Joined: Dec 2016
Under fluorescent light the
ulcer in my lip shines green,
a metal overlay on my snaggle-tooth,
magenta, the pimple inside my nose, (your line breaks here are confusing)
blue.
[I am ugly]
Snickering, a garbage afterthought
with kind deeds rewound--
I imagined a rotting steak (I imagine) ("rotting steak" did you mean "meat, or stake as in wood, or is this suppose to be sexual?)
driven through her cheap dress.
I will take revenge upon
an insolent whore who held (if this is a specific "whore" it should be "the" instead of "an".)
family as reason, yet deliberately plucked tears on
(does "plucked tears" mean the same as cried? I don't really get this)
that beautiful wedding night.
[but you are hideous]
[/quote]
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 204
Threads: 57
Joined: Jan 2013
(10-02-2013, 01:03 PM)Erthona Wrote: Under fluorescent light the
ulcer in my lip shines green,
a metal overlay on my snaggle-tooth,
magenta, the pimple inside my nose, (your line breaks here are confusing)
blue.
[I am ugly]
Snickering, a garbage afterthought
with kind deeds rewound--
I imagined a rotting steak (I imagine) ("rotting steak" did you mean "meat, or stake as in wood, or is this suppose to be sexual?) -- a play on the word steak. I just liked the idea of a meaty steak/stake spattered through a green dress.
driven through her cheap dress.
I will take revenge upon
an insolent whore who held (if this is a specific "whore" it should be "the" instead of "an".) this works
family as reason, yet deliberately plucked tears on
(does "plucked tears" mean the same as cried? I don't really get this) -- she made someone cry
that beautiful wedding night.
[but you are hideous]
Dale
Thank you for going through it, Dale. It is very much appreciated.
(10-02-2013, 11:36 AM)milo Wrote: amusing . . .
Why the ellipsis?
I'll be there in a minute.
Posts: 1,279
Threads: 187
Joined: Dec 2016
(10-02-2013, 11:03 PM)newsclippings Wrote: (10-02-2013, 11:36 AM)milo Wrote: amusing . . .
Why the ellipsis?
It usually means I am going to follow it with something . . . I must have just drifted off.
Posts: 204
Threads: 57
Joined: Jan 2013
(10-03-2013, 12:18 AM)milo Wrote: (10-02-2013, 11:03 PM)newsclippings Wrote: (10-02-2013, 11:36 AM)milo Wrote: amusing . . .
Why the ellipsis?
It usually means I am going to follow it with something . . . I must have just drifted off.
Oh. Happy you found it amusing.
I'll be there in a minute.
