A captain reformed.

[Savanna]

Where's the pipe?
the captain called,
a smoke I want,
the screens to fall..

The wenches claim,
I ask to much,
a pipe I want,
Whats with their fuss?

A pipe they say,
comes with a plan,
the screen has fallen,
well I'll be damned!

Those wenches
have, more on their mind,
I am simply a captain,
in their shrine.

All I want is to suck
and see, on my pipe
out at sea.

The smoke-screens
they think I am,
Those wenches
and their hidden plans!!

Will not stir, this captain
and his crew,
My aim is to simply
let them brew.

Brew over thoughts,
they have of me
Now get my pipe
wench,
and let me be!!!

[Malu]

The second line of the second stanza, I think you mean too instead of "to" other than that, I really liked the depth you went at about a captain smoking, tells a good story with a modern take home message, nice work!

[Erthona]

"Those wenches
have, more on their mind,
I am simply a captain,
in their shrine."

should read

Those wenches have,
more on their mind,
I'm simply a captain,
in their shrine.
------------------------------
All I want is to suck
and see, on my pipe
out at sea.

maybe

All I want
is to suck and see,
on my pipe
far out at sea.

more accentual verse than straight meter, but it works for me.
-----------------------------
The last three stanzas are also a bit off, but I'll leave them to you.


Dale

[Jim Steele]

I like the tone of this one, and how the short lines drive home that the Captain is a man of simplicity, straight-to-the-point. I have one question, though this is more due to my own ignorance than any fault on your part, but what is meant by the falling screens? Could it be fog clearing, or somebody removing their "mask", or is it a more literal screen that's going over my head?