Northern Stillness

[Wjames]

Well north of the bustling city
before the crackle of nights winter fires
hard hats, black backs and frozen fingers
shiver smoothly in time with their iron picks
sharp strikes upon the icy earth,
shattering the frozen northern stillness.

[Russnature]

Well north of the bustling city
before the crackle of nights winter fires
hard hats, black backs and frozen fingers
shiver smoothly in time with their iron picks
sharp strikes upon the icy earth,
shattering the frozen northern stillness.

I like this. I dont normally like non rhyming poem but i was too busy reading to notice. Great use of language without getting carried away. Also the short length makes it concise and non intimidating. A+. Especially like shiver/sharp/shattering. *like

[R.C. KITCHENS]

Well north of the bustling city
before the crackle of nights winter fires
hard hats, black backs and frozen fingers
shiver smoothly in time with their iron picks
sharp strikes upon the icy earth,
shattering the frozen northern stillness.

I think it reads good. I think "well" in the first line could be dropped and you would get the same affect. Also in the last line you could probably do without "frozen" as you imply "icy earth" in the line before it.

[Keith]

I enjoyed the simplicity of this, I think L1 need some work as bustling city is weak and doesn't tell us anything i.e have you left it behind ? what is its significance ? I really like the image of donkey jacketed road workers with their Pick axes. Nice work TOMH

[Dru Flores]

This was pretty good man, I liked the rhyme scheme and rhythm in this. I agree with the one poster that "well" could be removed and the reader would still get the same affect. Nevertheless, this was a solid post. Keep dropping.

[heslopian]

Well north of the bustling city
before the crackle of nights winter fires Should "fires" have a comma after it? Also, this and the following line might be clearer if you put "winter fires" beside "hard hats".
hard hats, black backs and frozen fingers
shiver smoothly in time with their iron picks To improve the syntax here I'd suggest putting a comma after "iron picks" and changing the next line to "striking sharply upon the icy earth".
sharp strikes upon the icy earth,
shattering the frozen northern stillness.

This poem is quietly beautiful in its portrait of a city in winter. It's like a tiny painting which captures the contrast between human industry and nature. All critique is JMHO; thank you for the read