A poem for a very dear friend.

[Mad Matt]

A lovely sound is etched on my brain
The sound of a laugh never heard again
From a beautiful girl with a beautiful mind
The loveliest friend you ever could find
A ray of sunshine in the world of rain
I'll never forget that she was kind.

Taken too soon that's clear
Can't believe she's not here
Never more will we share a beer
For all this I shed a tear.

But I wont think of this when I think of her
I'll think of her the way that she were
I'll think of all the good times we once knew
And remember a friend who was always true
I think of her with a smile on her face
A smile beloved by everyone in the place.

I suggest to you all to all do the same
Perhaps it's a way to ease off the pain
Think of a girl who gave life her all
Think of a girl who was kind to us all
Think of a girl who was filled up with fun
Think of a girl who loved us, everyone.

Think of what she meant to you
Think what she meant to others too
Think of all the good she did
Think of the kindness she never hid
Think of the amazing life that she had
Think of all this and try not to be sad.

[cidermaid]

Hi Mat,
This is one of those poems that reads like it has a deeper significance to the poet that just a few words arranged on a page.
it is always difficult to crit when there is a sense of personal pain going on. (Of course i might be wrong ...but i just get that feeling). However you have placed it in a crit section so I will offer a few thoughts.
The ryhmes are very simple, but for the first two stanzas they worked Ok in the context of a simple message of greif and loss, however the chliches came in thick and fast. (beautiful brain, shed a tear, ray of sunshine).
Sadly the rest of the poem did then loose my interest. I got bored of the word think ( no less than 13 repititions). Also the ryhmes got more forced.
Perhaps if you decide to workshop this you could consider different ways to tel me about this girl so that she will really be remembered through the words of your poem. As it stands I am left with nothing to visulise, she does not mean anything to me for me to think on because you have told me so little about her.

offered with compassion for any loss suffered
AJ.

[Word Weaver]

Hello Mat,
As a dedication to a friend, this is beautifully written with all your sincere emotions and admiration and loss well expressed. However, if you want it critiqued as a poem, I could not but agree with Cidermaid, we the reader don't feel the way you do, we cannot empathize as we do not know the person, just the written words to be critiqued in regards to the ways of poetry thus, would find this work overtly expressed, too many cliches it would sound like a hallmark card.
Thank you for sharing though and with my heartfelt sympathy for your loss.
WW