Three Shots

[GDavid]

Through the curtained window
the Miami noon light leaks.
Words written in soft lead
slant down across the page.
Her face, like the Jai Alai fronton, is
grand, yet oh, so worn.
Smoke ascends around her Virginia Slims scented hair.
She hears the shouts of chula, as
the pelota rolls from the back wall.
In her memory, Joey turns, raises his cesta,
in salute to the crowd.
He admires his perfect shot.
Her last scotch and water sits on the table.
Sixty six years and she is tired and alone.
She brushes the gun as she reaches for her lipstick.

[Tommy]

I don't know Jai Alai well so I struggled a bit with some of the terminology. I know Virginia Slims scented hair well enough though, great line. For me the use of a proper name, Joey, took me out of the little dream you had created in my head. If you had just said "he" I could have inserted my own character. All in all a good read, I liked it. Thanks for the little trip to Overtown.

[GDavid]

Thanks for the read tommy...
Using the Jai Alai symbols was deliberate. Thinking of the time and the setting of the piece warranted the use. Joey is like the Payton Manning of Jai Alai. I wondered about using such specific symbols for a general audience do you think it is appropriate or should they be totally avoided?

[Heartafire]

I enjoyed this very much, being a native Miamian I could appreciate the images. Very fine.

[Tommy]

Thanks for the read tommy...
Using the Jai Alai symbols was deliberate. Thinking of the time and the setting of the piece warranted the use. Joey is like the Payton Manning of Jai Alai. I wondered about using such specific symbols for a general audience do you think it is appropriate or should they be totally avoided?

That's not for me to say GDavid. I struggled where someone else wouldn't. It just depends on how broad an audience you want to appeal to vs. maintaining the feel and uniqueness of your piece. Generally I say uniqueness trumps wide appeal.

[qwerty_H]

This was a good read, very atmospheric. I remember reading the title thinking this would be about whiskey but it turned out to be 3 different types of shots.

Thanks

-H

[GDavid]

@qwerty_H
Thanks for reading the work. before a word was written the shots were decided upon, tying it all together with an emotion took awhile, but I enjoyed the effort.