05-11-2013, 07:48 PM
Four o'clock morning
coffee thinking-
drinking tea;
coffee brews,
paper is aroma.
coffee thinking-
drinking tea;
coffee brews,
paper is aroma.
Morning Muse
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05-11-2013, 07:48 PM
Four o'clock morning
coffee thinking- drinking tea; coffee brews, paper is aroma.
05-11-2013, 11:17 PM
atmospherically rich, with a bold thought. brewed with care.
05-11-2013, 11:55 PM
05-12-2013, 12:51 AM
You're already drinking tea, Why do you need more hot drinks?
05-12-2013, 03:03 AM
Hi everyone, and thanks imh!
A couple of things, because maybe I should pull things out a little more: I used to drink coffee. In fact, I love the aroma so much that it often makes me hungry. I switched to herbal tea several years ago for health reasons. So now I sip tea but my senses adore coffee. The poem has double meaning because I encountered a friend a couple of months ago who inspired me to write poems. I have written lots since then often waking at 4 am or earlier so I can squeeze writing poems in the day. We've talked about meeting some day (me and the "muse") for coffee, even though I'd really be drinking tea.
05-12-2013, 07:19 AM
Hi j. With the backstory this is lovely. Now put that story into the poem and you've got it. Looking fwd to an edit.
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The howling beast is back.
05-12-2013, 02:46 PM
(05-12-2013, 07:19 AM)justcloudy Wrote: Hi j. With the backstory this is lovely. Now put that story into the poem and you've got it. Looking fwd to an edit. Your feedback was the push I needed, justcloudy, thanks. Here's the edit: Four o'clock this morning coffee's aroma leads again to hunger; she's sitting, writing poetry forever sipping herbal tea- hoping to meet at last, the man who's inspired her early morning writing; he asks to meet for coffee soon; four in the morning coffee brews, paper is aroma.
05-13-2013, 06:01 AM
Hi. I like the rewrite better. I don't really get that paper is aroma. Like, I understand that paper has a smell, but with the coffee arom already there I don't even think that you would notice it. Thanks.
-H |
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