The Rush

[fourtimefelon]

I'm faded, you're twisted
Both of us fucked up and black listed, our wrongs unforgiven
Eight balls and morphines mixed in these syringes
Alcohol soaked and Xanax coated
Like the fatal rounds chambered,
We stay forever loaded

Chased by our demons while we chase that high,
biting, scratching, clawing - Just to get by?
The chemicals, they fade - All that's left now is hate
I'm so fucked inside, I need this!
Why do you and I have to die?!

I keep trying to dodge it
Lie, steal, and hide
Grit my teeth
Close my eyes and deny - Deny
We're being swallowed up whole by this life
The floodgate opens and pain pours in,
washes us away - this Hurt's thirst is never slaked!
Why the fuck can't we be safe?!

Oh, here we go again!
Moms, Dads, Brothers never there
The Pusher - That's the one who's never late
Racks, on racks, on racks
Snatch that plunger back
The ribbon is red, girl
We're so close to dead
The hammer's cocked
But that don't matter and we don't care
Let's put this pain up in the air
We can't fit here, we don't belong there
But tonight, tonight there is a forever that we can share

[Magpie]

Hi fourtimefelon,
Oh no not another life is wonderful poem
No thank fuck.
There's some interesting stuff in here and it was a bit of a shame to see it had no comments so far. But that's possibly to do with the references to drugs which a lot of people might not get, although saying that "morphines mixed in these syringes" is not really obscure,
is it about a trip to the dentist?
I like the comparison with the gun but I'd be willing to bet that its been used before, so some people might say that its cliche. I didn't know what xanax was, but it seems as though it's valium???
As regards subject matter I certainly think its worth exploring more and I applaud you for tackling it. The sporadic rhyming at times I think distracts from the poem as a whole, if it was consistent it might work better, but for this kind of subject matter I would stay away from it. I was wondering about the words in bold and also about Hurt, I presume thats a name?? But if so it seems like a reference that only you would understand, I may be wrong.
And finally the last line is a bit muddled up in a contradiction with 'momentary forever' I know what your getting at but it doesn't make sense.
Hope I haven't went overboard with what I've said, I like the fact that your tackling a more difficult topic. As long as your next poem is not about fluffy bunnies and rainbows.
Have your heard of a the poet Allen Ginsberg, if not he is well worth reading, I think you'd like his style, especially 'Howl' its a classic.
Thanks for the read.
AR

[fourtimefelon]

Hi fourtimefelon,
Oh no not another life is wonderful poem
No thank fuck.
There's some interesting stuff in here and it was a bit of a shame to see it had no comments so far. But that's possibly to do with the references to drugs which a lot of people might not get, although saying that "morphines mixed in these syringes" is not really obscure,
is it about a trip to the dentist?
I like the comparison with the gun but I'd be willing to bet that its been used before, so some people might say that its cliche. I didn't know what xanax was, but it seems as though it's valium???
As regards subject matter I certainly think its worth exploring more and I applaud you for tackling it. The sporadic rhyming at times I think distracts from the poem as a whole, if it was consistent it might work better, but for this kind of subject matter I would stay away from it. I was wondering about the words in bold and also about Hurt, I presume thats a name?? But if so it seems like a reference that only you would understand, I may be wrong.
And finally the last line is a bit muddled up in a contradiction with 'momentary forever' I know what your getting at but it doesn't make sense.
Hope I haven't went overboard with what I've said, I like the fact that your tackling a more difficult topic. As long as your next poem is not about fluffy bunnies and rainbows.
Have your heard of a the poet Allen Ginsberg, if not he is well worth reading, I think you'd like his style, especially 'Howl' its a classic.
Thanks for the read.
AR

Thanks for the feedback. Not gonna lie, I really put a lot of of my last three years into this. Not time spent on the words, like the experiences that led to the words coming into my head. I removed some of the bolding and just left some italics and an underline to stress those few sections. The word "hurt" being capitalized isn't really a name, it's more of a deification. When people refer to God using Him, they capitalize it. Well, The hurt I'm talking about is all consuming. Physical, mental, spiritual. At times it becomes deity that rules my actions, my life. I allow it to become my alpha and omega. It fixes and ruins everything all at the same time. When you see it and feel it like I do, then you realize that it's worthy of a wary respect, or at the least capitalization. And yeah, Xanax is like a valium, actually in the same class of drug. It's an anti-anxiety medication. Now, the rhyming, I don't know. Even if it seems distracting I don't think I could or would change it. This is really personal for me, and those words poured onto the paper. I've only barely changed it from the first time I wrote it. Punctuation is one thing, but I'm afraid to lose the feeling by changing the words too much. But I really do appreciate someone finally taking the time to actually look at this one, say something about it. I think I'll take your advice about the word momentary, though.

---

Oh, and I said something in a post elsewhere on the site, but sometimes cliches work best at getting a point across. That's why they became cliche in the first place.

[Magpie]

I appreciate what youre saying about it being personal and not wanting to change it, I respect that.
I've been down the same kind of road as regards these experiences, Im still there really so I know exactly where youre coming from, that's why I commented on this poem. I did see it when you first posted it but I wanted to wait and see what other people said, and then today I decided that I wasn't going to let it slip off the 1st page without a comment, because that happened to my first poem and I know what it feels like, although it has been commented on since.
As regards the capitalization of Hurt, that's dam clever and Im annoyed that I didnt get it. I use the same tool in a lot of my poems and people ask the same question "why the capital" like I've just made a random mistake, and I fell into the same trap when I saw it in your poem. The only thing I would add in my defence is that Hurt is a common surname and I think that a lot of people might think the same as what I did, I think if you had used another word for hurt that couldn't be mistaken for something else, like suffering for example, I would of got the capitalization.
I respect you for what you've said in the defence of your poem and I'll be looking out for your next poem, take care man.
All the best AR

[qwerty_H]

I like it!! It is obviously very dark and personal and has a great mood about it. I wonder if you really need the word fatal in the first line as it should be obvious. Thanks.

-H