Senryuu

[Magpie]

Haphazard circles,
roaming ragged round the room.
Fleetingly, the Fly.

Though I was annoyed
that they cut down the bushes,
I now see past it.

Following the Moon
into the morning forest,
setting myself free.

[serge gurkski]

yes, very nice flow after second read,
your use of alliteration is in my opinion very intelligent and adds another semantic layer, that tells the same story as the one conveyed by the meaning of the (complete) words you use. ;-)

I enjoyed the read.
cheers
serge

[Magpie]

yes, very nice flow after second read,
your use of alliteration is in my opinion very intelligent and adds another semantic layer, that tells the same story as the one conveyed by the meaning of the (complete) words you use. ;-)

I enjoyed the read.
cheers
serge

Thanks again Serge for your kind comments, it really does give me encouragement to know that people enjoy reading them. Also I appreciate the comments about alliteration which at first I didn't understand but after looking up alliteration, I do. I'm being educated all the time on this site, it is very much appreciated.
Thanks once again,
AR

[Volaticus]

Very effective alliterations in the first one, wittiness in the second and a spiritual feel to the third. I liked 'em all

[Magpie]

Very effective alliterations in the first one, wittiness in the second and a spiritual feel to the third. I liked 'em all

Thanks Volaticus,
I never knew what alliterations meant until about 3 hours ago, but I'm learning all the time. I wish I had learnt about Senryuu a while ago now, they seem so much more fun to write than Haiku, there is a lot more scope for humour and concept.
Thanks again.
AR

[billy]

it's senryu and i think you have three really enjoyable ones.
the middle one is my gave, some of basho's haiku are exceptionally funny


he has a couple with horses pissing in them

thanks for the read, nothing constructive to say other than i liked them

[Magpie]

it's senryu and i think you have three really enjoyable ones.
the middle one is my gave, some of basho's haiku are exceptionally funny


he has a couple with horses pissing in them

thanks for the read, nothing constructive to say other than i liked them

Thanks Billy,
Glad you liked them. I've just tracked down that Basho haiku you mentioned. He is without fail consistently brilliant on every subject.
I suppose I'm not fully aware of all of the differences between haiku and senryu, but I've just been reading up on that also.
Thanks once again.
AR

[billy]

just have fun doing them and discussing what's what, most of us aren't experts we just propagate ideas, i've had my bottom spanked a few times for getting things wrong with these short puppies so if something's mentioned try and google what was said before accepting it. (like you did with basho's flies and horse piss )

[serge gurkski]

it was obvious that Billy's last word had to be related to the end products of the digestive system. Admirable! ,-)
Leaving the gastrointestinal tracts for a sec:

I agree completely with: " just have fun doing them". (Billy)

cheers ( must run now: bathroom call)

serge