A SMALL PIECE OF HEAVEN.....
It’s a wonderful day today,
The sun shines while the earth gallantly basks in its glory,
The birds are chirping as if,
Expecting something special to happen,
The rivers flow smoothly with the gleaming light of the heavens,
The sky is blue and clear as a marble,
The clouds moving about their own pace,
Create these mirages that only the gods can decipher,
The bountiful glaciers that flow over these,
Snow clad mountains are a testament to the desires,
That we all aspire to achieve some day,
The sun has risen from its heavy slumber,
Spreading it’s aura through time immemorial,
The spruce trees shed their leaves as if,
In wait for a new beginning.
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(05-02-2013, 04:34 PM)religare231 Wrote: A SMALL PIECE OF HEAVEN.....
It’s a wonderful day today, I think I might drop today
The sun shines while the earth gallantly basks in its glory, gallantly too
The birds are chirping as if, why the comma
Expecting something special to happen, drop expecting ,somthing special is about to happen
The rivers flow smoothly with the gleaming light of the heavens,
The sky is blue and clear as a marble, drop some of the "the's"
The clouds moving about their own pace, (move at
Create these mirages that only the gods can decipher,
The bountiful glaciers that flow over these,
Snow clad mountains are a testament to the desires,
That we all aspire to achieve some day,
The sun has risen from its heavy slumber,
Spreading it’s aura through time immemorial,
The spruce trees shed their leaves as if,
In wait for a new beginning.
This is a lovely tribute to nature's beauty. I have left some input, hope it is helpful. Thank you for the lovely poem.
Heart
(05-02-2013, 11:41 PM)Heartafire Wrote: (05-02-2013, 04:34 PM)religare231 Wrote: A SMALL PIECE OF HEAVEN.....
It’s a wonderful day today, I think I might drop today
The sun shines while the earth gallantly basks in its glory, gallantly too
The birds are chirping as if, why the comma
Expecting something special to happen, drop expecting ,somthing special is about to happen
The rivers flow smoothly with the gleaming light of the heavens,
The sky is blue and clear as a marble, drop some of the "the's"
The clouds moving about their own pace, (move at
Create these mirages that only the gods can decipher,
The bountiful glaciers that flow over these,
Snow clad mountains are a testament to the desires,
That we all aspire to achieve some day,
The sun has risen from its heavy slumber,
Spreading it’s aura through time immemorial,
The spruce trees shed their leaves as if,
In wait for a new beginning.
This is a lovely tribute to nature's beauty. I have left some input, hope it is helpful. Thank you for the lovely poem.
Heart
thank you for replying...will keep in mind some of the inputs that you have given....
Posts: 326
Threads: 90
Joined: Apr 2013
Hi,
Another nice nature poem by you, I still feel, like I said last time that the odd full stop here and there wouldn't go a miss.
The sentiments expressed are nice but at times a little too cliche,
nature is an often written about subject in poetry so it probably one of
hardest topics to cover without being cliche.
Also it is very reminiscent of one your previous poem "There is nothing more beautiful than life", with a couple of phrases being used in both poems.
Thanks for the read and hope that some of these comments will be of use.
Thanks.
 wae aye man ye radgie
(05-02-2013, 04:34 PM)religare231 Wrote: A SMALL PIECE OF HEAVEN.....
It’s a wonderful day today,
The sun shines while the earth gallantly basks in its glory,
The birds are chirping as if,
Expecting something special to happen,
The rivers flow smoothly with the gleaming light of the heavens,
The sky is blue and clear as a marble,
The clouds moving about their own pace,
Create these mirages that only the gods can decipher,
The bountiful glaciers that flow over these,
Snow clad mountains are a testament to the desires,
That we all aspire to achieve some day,
The sun has risen from its heavy slumber,
Spreading it’s aura through time immemorial,
The spruce trees shed their leaves as if,
In wait for a new beginning.
I like the imagery that you use, and the line about gods deciphering was very brilliant.
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