On ruing the past

[Pilgrim]

On Ruing the Past

Morbid thoughts of ill-done deeds
sprout within my mind like weeds.
Each waking hour, from first to last,
they blight the present with the past.

I took her out at dead of night
and buried her by candlelight,
Among the gum trees in the park,
(there’s no-one out there after dark).

I know I should have bought a plot -
the kind the local Council’s got.
But times are tough, the money tight,
and no-one mourns the beggar’s plight.

So as I sit and rue the past,
those morbid thoughts come thick and fast.
If they don’t stop, it’s very plain -
I’ll have to dig her up again.

[Todd]

No real nits from me. I thought you redeemed the "dead of night" cliche by actually burying someone in the next line. My favorite lines in this are L4 playing off of L2, L6 for the previously mentioned reason, L7 for the specific detail of gum trees, and the final line for the surprise and the morbid humor.

Very much enjoyed the read.

Best,

Todd

[Magpie]

Hi Pilgrim,
I liked this poem very much, it flows perfectly and the last line is wickedly funny and demands the poem to be read again with a different perspective, which I have a done a few times now.
It is surprisingly different to your other poems. Thanks for the read.
Cheers.

[Volaticus]

I loved the mix of beautiful wording and morbid tones. It was easy to read, flowed nicely and the ending just made my day. Only one minor thing, and it really is minor, was that I noticed that L3 for me flew better without 'from'. But really, a refreshing poem, nicely done

[Pilgrim]

No real nits from me. I thought you redeemed the "dead of night" cliche by actually burying someone in the next line. My favorite lines in this are L4 playing off of L2, L6 for the previously mentioned reason, L7 for the specific detail of gum trees, and the final line for the surprise and the morbid humor.

Very much enjoyed the read.

Best,

Todd

Hello, Todd. Thank you for your comments.

The cliché is the nemesis, Achilles heel, and general nightmare of every aspiring poet, isn‘t it? There ought to be a muse somewhere to whom we could turn for protection. In the meantime, I guess eternal vigilance will have to suffice.

Regards,

Pilgrim.

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Hi Pilgrim,
I liked this poem very much, it flows perfectly and the last line is wickedly funny and demands the poem to be read again with a different perspective, which I have a done a few times now.
It is surprisingly different to your other poems. Thanks for the read.
Cheers.

Hello, ambrosial revelation.

Thank you for your comments.

As to style, there are so many variations to choose from. I’d like to at least try them all. But there’s many a slip ‘twixt cup and lip (as an old proverb has it).

Regards,

Pilgrim.

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I loved the mix of beautiful wording and morbid tones. It was easy to read, flowed nicely and the ending just made my day. Only one minor thing, and it really is minor, was that I noticed that L3 for me flew better without 'from'. But really, a refreshing poem, nicely done

Hello, Volaticus.

Thank you for your comments.

Omission of ‘from’ in L3 would have corrupted the meter.

Regards,

Pilgrim.