No Fire Flies here

[Keith]

2nd Try


Don't look to me for dance and dazzle,
to be part of your wistful, romance and bejazzle

Understand this, as we sparkle trace sky's
we hear you sigh, as our life slips by

So don't book, me, for your sticky summer kiss,
shinning bright, brings an end to all this.

born without a light you see, next year I'll be 53,
So go on, move along, there's nothing to see.



Ist try
Sorry no, I haven't seen any Fire Flies.....

Don't look to me for dance and dazzle,
to be part of your wistful, romance and bejazzle

You see, I found my light switch behind this knee
and next birthday, I'll be 103.

So go on, move along, theres nothing to see.[/color]

[billy]

a nice nonsense poem, would liked it to have been longer and with a at least a little bit of something to comprehend :0

bejazzle is a brilliant word

[addy]

i do like a lot of the word choices . They lend the piece a nice spark. Unfortunately, i don't think the first line is a very strong opening. You'd have been better off starting with "Don't look at me for dance and dazzle// etc.", then maybe reworking the firefly line to make a final couplet with the last line. Just one suggestion. Thanks for the share

[Keith]

Billyaddy, Thanks for suggestions, much happier with it now. (Billyaddy) has a nice ring to it