Tends her roses
until noon, then feeds
her cats promptly at six--
A can for them--
one for her.

Put the dog down,
just last week.
He never could
quite get the hang
of fetching worthless sticks--
much less the Sunday paper.

Still discusses politics,
repeatedly, eagerly--
with no one in particular.
Still quite bitter;
can't believe,
Dewey lost
in yesterday's returns.

ICSoria
©2011

An interesting poem... love the approach you made.

(08-04-2011, 03:02 PM)ICSoria Wrote:  Tends her roses
until noon, then feeds
her cats promptly at six--
A can for them--
one for her. This part worked the least for me... didn't feel quite as banal as the others for some reason, just quiet.

Put the dog down,
just last week.
He never could
quite get the hang
of fetching worthless sticks--
much less the Sunday paper. Love this part. Works on more than one level (mood of weariness, thoughts of suicide)

Still discusses politics,
repeatedly, eagerly--
with no one in particular.
Still quite bitter;
can't believe,
Dewey lost
in yesterday's returns. This is a strong verse as well. I do like where this verse ended and how noncommittally it wrapped up the poem, not what I expected

(08-04-2011, 03:02 PM)ICSoria Wrote:  Tends her roses
until noon, then feeds
her cats promptly at six--
A can for them--
one for her.

Put the dog down,
just last week.
He never could
quite get the hang
of fetching worthless sticks--
much less the Sunday paper.

Still discusses politics,
repeatedly, eagerly--
with no one in particular.
Still quite bitter;
can't believe,
Dewey lost
in yesterday's returns.

ICSoria
©2011

i like this Sid, my main nit is all the --'s for me one at the end of the first two vignettes would do. i think the 2nd verse would work better as the opener, the statement in the opening line feels stronger. other than that i can't give anything constructive.

i like the way the last verse is dated by dewey between 1944 and 48.
i'm not shocked as to the old woman, (my take she's old) eating cat food, i've heard of it being done by a few people.
the three snapshots work really well for me, and i think the poem suits the title. the repitition of 'still' seems to be okay.
all in all for me it's one of those nice poems that have a certain warmth.
something real. jmo

thanks for the read.

Hi Sid,

This is really nice. You've gotten some good critiques already, so I'll just add a few points. The way I read your poem and it may not be as you intend is that my eyes keep drifting back to the title and using it as a lead in for the strophe. I take it as an implied lead in. (No one in particular) tends or put or still discusses. With all that in mind, I wonder if you need the title repetition in S3, L3. You've already done a subtle job of showing her isolation (her friends are her dog and cats, she shares food with the cat without any human comment) this may work better if you keep that heightened isolation.

I'm a bit torn on the strophe arrangement. I think after a lot of reflection I like the way you have it. The dog part would be your most powerful lead in, but you need the paper reference at the end of S2 to set up the Dewey Truman ending. I did really love how you used the ending to establish her age and also threw in the great historical bit. The fact that she's still bitter shows that she's grounded in the past. Great economy there.

Much enjoyed this one.

Best,

Todd

I will consider any and all suggestions for polishing this and thank you for them, as well as for the encouragement.

Sid