It flickered in my mind
an amber light in a candles wind
consecrated lines, like time drawn and thin

the heavens shall burn pyroglyphics in my eyes
solstice will bind circumscription and suffering

walk through my mind -- the silence is deafening
sounds of my heart reverberate and ring
through the echoes of my voice lost and defeatening

I lay still in the night awakened by sanctity
my dreams come alive when the darkness is weakening

my blood boils high I cant escape from me
in the end its time to burn in effigy.
~ CK~

Love "pyroglyphics"

You could do with maybe an em-dash in the first line of your third stanza:

walk through my mind -- the silence is deafening

you don't really need both "reverberate" and "echoes", since they're saying much the same thing

Nice start though, welcome!

Thank you Leanna, I used both reverberate and echoes to separate both sounds of heart and voice....
but i really have no clue of the technical details of poetry or how to do things, i am hoping I can learn through people such as yourself because writing really does give me a lot of enjoyment.

(07-22-2011, 12:24 PM)ckeo Wrote:  It flickered in my mind
an amber light in a candles wind
consecrated lines, like time drawn and thin

the heavens shall burn pyroglyphics in my eyes
solstice will bind circumscription and suffering

walk through my mind -- the silence is deafening the silence is deafening' is too cliche(well used)
sounds of my heart reverberate and ring
through the echoes of my voice lost and defeatening defeatening ???

I lay still in the night awakened by sanctity
my dreams come alive when the darkness is weakening

my blood boils high I cant escape from me
in the end its time to burn in effigy.
~ CK~

hi ck thanks for posting your poems;
alway think of a title
for me it needs to be little less cliché.
i think it also needs a little more depth.

i enjoyed the following line;
the heavens shall burn pyroglyphics in my eyes, specially pyroglyphics which tie in nicely with burn.

thanks for the read.

(07-22-2011, 01:22 PM)billy Wrote:  

(07-22-2011, 12:24 PM)ckeo Wrote:  It flickered in my mind
an amber light in a candles wind
consecrated lines, like time drawn and thin

the heavens shall burn pyroglyphics in my eyes
solstice will bind circumscription and suffering

walk through my mind -- the silence is deafening the silence is deafening' is too cliche(well used)
sounds of my heart reverberate and ring
through the echoes of my voice lost and defeatening defeatening ???

I lay still in the night awakened by sanctity
my dreams come alive when the darkness is weakening

my blood boils high I cant escape from me
in the end its time to burn in effigy.
~ CK~

hi ck thanks for posting your poems;
alway think of a title
for me it needs to be little less cliché.
i think it also needs a little more depth.

i enjoyed the following line;
the heavens shall burn pyroglyphics in my eyes, specially pyroglyphics which tie in nicely with burn.

thanks for the read.

thank you, yes not nameng them is a bad habit I have... sometimes it is difficult... so I leave it blank until I find a name that fits with what I was writing about.

About the cliche and depth... you are correct... I wrote this a couple of evenings ago and I u8nderstand it needs more work, I value your opinions.

Re: defeatening... yes i am not the best speller... will work on that also.

you'll get the hang of it